by Ryan Lewellen
It’s no secret our humble site loves John Carpenter like a father. I heard Editor-In-Chief, Ed Travis, actually struck up a Kickstarter to get himself legally adopted by the horror maestro. I wish Ed luck, but in the meantime, he will just have to settle for relishing in the man’s extraordinary body of work. Yes, “extraordinary” is exactly the word, because how many other filmmakers’ careers were so unjustly denigrated when their follow-up projects couldn’t seem to outdo to their debut. Okay, so we can all think of several, but with only a couple exceptions, I am never let down by even Carpenter’s most infamously “bad” movies. He passionately churned out thrill after thrill and practically none of his films were appreciated in their own time. What a joy it is to catch up on his misses, and discover them as would-be hits. I am pleased to tell you one of his least talked about movies, based on the goofiest premise Stephen King ever cooked up, is a brilliant film about the difficulties of teen years.
Nerdy Arnie (Keith Gordon) is plagued with problems. His parents don’t get him, he’s clumsy, unpopular at school, and some psychopathic bullies have chosen him for their number one target. Then, as if chosen, like Gollum by The One Ring, he happens upon Christine. She’s a seemingly ancient 1958 Plymouth Fury, looking more like a pile of steel which might once have been a car. Arnie is in love, and soon becomes too obsessed with fixing his wheels up to care much about his problems, until his problems come creeping up on him. Soon, some of those bullies begin showing up very dead under bizarre circumstances, and things are getting better for the once nerdy protagonist. He has a girlfriend, he’s dressing better, and he’s ditched his glasses, but perhaps his obsession is just as enamored with him. Now, Christine might be trying to become Arnie’s only care in the world by any means necessary.
It’s a tough sell, I know. I can’t imagine convincing anyone the haunted killer car movie isn’t just good, it’s great, without them seeing it for themselves. So, here I am, hoping to at least get you intrigued enough to see it. Although this is a classically silly Stephen King idea, the screenplay adapted by Bill Phillips doesn’t carry any other King nuisances with it. There is no Indian burial ground, no gypsy curse, no real magic ever mentioned in the film, and absolutely no explanation as to Christine’s haunted origins. There is simply something very wrong with this car, and she is surprisingly creepy. Usually a shot of a creepy car in a film has more to do with who might be piloting it, but all the dread one feels while looking at the old Plymouth is inspired by… well, its performance.
The car is alive, and not at all in any way you might be imagining. This is Herby The Hate Bug, and she doesn’t cheerfully rev its engine, or sweetly beep or chirp. She is a stoic predator, and her animalistic rage drives her to do things cars simply shouldn’t be capable of doing. Just when I thought the film would show too much or go too far, we are treated to a sequence in which Christine rebuilds herself, and I am not exaggerating when I say it’s one of the most flabbergasting effects scenes I have ever witnessed. It’s the kind of thing that would absolutely not make the same impact if rendered digitally. Done with a real car… however they did it… is breathtaking and disturbing, and in every little movement, every shot, the car actually makes for one of the most interesting characters in the film.
Not to sell short that commendable achievement, but that storytelling focus could maybe have been shared with the only other female lead role. Alexandra Paul, who plays Arnie’s girlfriend, isn’t given much to do in this film other than be scared and show some concern. In a movie so much about the trials of teen-dom, it would have been nice to have a female perspective, especially in the douchey wake of the script’s ultra-horny male cast. They obscenely carry-on about female anatomy like a bunch of frat bros, which is appropriate for so much of what Christine examines, but why not get that kind of awkwardly intimate look into the world of young women?
Regardless, Arnie’s doomed journey is a marvel of filmmaking. It’s the terror of an alienated teen’s power fantasy come to visceral cinematic life. The cinematography and practical effects possibly make it Carpenter’s best-looking movie, and this gorgeous Blu-ray release is an absolute must-own, since Twilight Time sold out of their release a couple years ago.
THE PACKAGE
No new special features here since the original DVD release, but everything has been carried over for your behind-the-scenes pleasure. Upgrading to Blu-Ray is, of course, still worth your money for the sake of the picture.
Deleted Scenes
Commentary With Carpenter And Keith Gordon
Featurettes…
CHRISTINE: Ignition, Fast And Furious, and Finish Line
All the features are fascinating entertaining and satisfyingly insightful.
