I know, I know… The Expendables movies are dumb. They feel dated and clunky; relics of a bygone era. They are full of audience-winking in-jokes about the aging action heroes that make up their casts and often it is hard to tell if the stars are even in on the joke or not. There’s a sense that the best work of many of these cast members is already behind them. And even in this era where nostalgia is king, The Expendables franchise has often been a tough reminder that nostalgia can’t be the only ingredient in the recipe.
And in a world in which The Raid franchise exists, or Korean cinema exists, (you know… the real world… the one we live in here today in 2014) the undercooked simplicity of The Expendables franchise is glaring. Whereas the military might displayed in such 1980s classics as the Rambo franchise or Commando once thrilled us with the concept of one pumped up soldier saving the day, we’re now more skeptical and jaded about the military industrial complex than ever before. Super soldiers frighten us, because today they’re just as likely to march on us, in our hometowns, as they are to crush the enemy.
And our cinematic heroes are more complex today. They can out think or out parkour the villain just as much as they can out clobber him. Today’s heroes often become murky, with the complexity of the world’s problems altering them and dragging them down into the mire of reality.
So entering into The Expendables 3, my hopes were low. Even my wife had noticed that I hadn’t been talking about the film like I had the previous two. That was partly due to how amazing this summer’s films have been (best summer in ages), and partly due to the fact that I had to make too many excuses for The Expendables 2 to end up having any kind of good taste in my mouth for it. Lackluster action and awful in-jokey humor overshadow Jean Claude Van Damme’s fun, over the top, villainous performance. And when it was announced that The Expendables 3 would release under a PG-13 rating? Yeah… I got pissed off.
Look, there can be great PG-13 action movies. Marvel has made this abundantly clear. That isn’t the problem. The problem is that this decision is a wholly tone deaf one on the part of the business-people behind this movie. In an attempt to widen the audience to include underage boys, the producers display their ignorance of who their core audience is [’80s action film nerds, few of whom are even under 30, much less in their teens], what their cast is known for in the first place, AND they hobble the movie they themselves created in the first place. Trimming back a movie that was created to be an “R” to a “PG-13” undoubtedly leads to things like the villainous Mel Gibson saying he doesn’t “give a fart” because Harrison Ford already got to utter the film’s lone “F word”. This tone deaf decision made me mad, and many of the other action fans of my generation as well. It also totally backfired on the producers as the film failed at the US box office this weekend.
But a bizarre thing happened during the first and third acts of The Expendables 3. The PG-13 rating and sins of the previous two films faded into the background as I found myself genuinely having actual fun. And then, not only simply having fun, but being thrilled by action set pieces that may not hold a candle to the films of Gareth Evans, but that do offer giant beats that pay homage to the mega-films of Expendables past. In the opening sequence our team breaks Wesley Snipes out of jail, pulling him off of a speeding train. There’s glaring stunt doubles and dodgy computer effects, but there’s also a palpable sense of fun, speed, and an embrace of its “over the top” tone. Next we’re introduced to the movie’s other secret weapon: Mel Gibson. With a name like “Conrad Stonebanks”, and a history as one of the original Expendables members who went rogue… Gibson makes a grand entrance by literally dropping a giant missile right on top of our team. The after effects of this missile lead to Stallone’s Barney Ross going and recruiting a younger team to get revenge on Stonebanks, which is where the film stumbles and gets even more overcrowded than these films have ever been.
But the movie recovers quickly from the second act recruitment montage (hosted by Kelsey Grammer) and gears up to a magnificent and sustained third act climax featuring the entire army of Assmanistan (I’m more and more convinced that at least someone is in on the joke) laying siege to our team holed up in a crumbling casino complex. Director Patrick Hughes (Red Hill) directed the hell out of this set piece, giving each character, even the young bucks, a hero moment. This final action sequence is better than anything in any of the previous Expendables films by a country mile, and is exactly the kind of thrilling action fans have been hoping for with each outing, but believing in less and less as the series creaked on.
I’ll always cherish an opportunity to see my favorite action hero, Sylvester Stallone, up on the big screen where he belongs. And the novelty of The Expendables franchise is something I’ll always appreciate, even if most of the final products have been lacking. The Expendables films are the ultimate dress up game, placing our childhood heroes together, for better or for worse, and setting them on adventures very similar to the kinds we made up in our sandboxes as kids. I’m thrilled to come out of The Expendables 3 without feeling like I have to make excuses for it. This is the most fun film of the franchise, and finally brings a level of action worthy of the stars it features. Brian Tyler’s score is sweeping and grand, Patrick Hughes’ direction is only mildly marred by the PG-13 rating (and the inevitable “unrated” Blu-ray will rectify that problem anyway), and Sly Stallone has another triumphant action moment or two to add to his endless repertoire.
Aging or not, these are my cinematic heroes. To see Sylvester Stallone save the day is the BEST way for the day to be saved. Complexity be damned… when the lights went down on The Expendables 3, I entered into a world where muscles and teamwork could save the day against Mel Gibson’s charismatic threat, and I was content.
And I’m Out.
