by Frank Calvillo
I remember back in 2010 when Tron: Legacy was released, my friend Simon had gotten to see it ahead of me and when we met up at a party, I asked him, a movie lover if there ever was one, what he’d thought of the hotly-anticipated sequel. He simply replied: “it’s a non-film.” I’m assuming what he meant was that the movie was simply a string of images and sequences held together by an extremely thin thread of a story, which did nothing but talk down to its audience. I never shared the same views on the Tron sequel, and couldn’t relate to Simon’s analogy until I saw The Garbage Pail Kids Movie; the very definition of a film made by committee where even the Topps trading card company is listed as producers.
Inspired by the immensely popular (and oddly endearing) series of trading cards, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie opens on Dodger (Mackenzie Astin), an average boy who spends his days being chased by bullies and fawning over the beautiful and much older Tangerine (Katie Barberi). In his spare time (which he seems to have lots of since he never goes to school), Dodger works as an assistant to Captain Manzini (Anthony Newley), the owner of an antiques shop. One day, when Dodger knocks over an old garbage pail, an assortment of hideous looking children come out, each one as crass and physically disgusting as the last. Captain Manzini introduces them as The Garbage Pail Kids and explains that they come from another dimension. Dodger quickly adopts the kids as his new friends, but finds he has his work cut out for him as The Garbage Pail Kids insist on wreaking all sorts of havoc and fun around town.
Most bad movies can look to the script as one of the principal reasons for their atrociousness. Nowhere is this more true than in The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, which features such an erratic screenplay, that it must have left kids rolling their eyes back in the day. What is this movie about? One minute the kids are dying to explore the outside world, the next they’re bonding with Dodger, then they’re designing clothes, then they’re hatching a plan to rescue a friend from the state home. Touches such as a fight scene taking place at a bar literally named “The Toughest Bar in the World” only amplify the level of carelessness on the part of the filmmakers. With the musical number being the only real moment of awfulness, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie feels more boring and nonsensical than anything else thanks to a lazy, patchy script that never knows what to do with its fun, intriguing characters.
Many films from yesteryear have a few underlying themes which they would be called out on today with regards to their inappropriateness. And The Garbage Pail Kids Movie has plenty to go around. There’s the more than obvious touches of pedophilia regarding Tangerine and Dodger, as well as the ongoing acts of child abuse inflicted on the central character from neighborhood hoodlums clearly in their 20s. At the same time, the kids themselves are essentially turned into sweatshop employees for a good chunk of the film, making the film’s intended message of acceptance and unimportance of appearance non-existent.
It seems that the adults behind the scenes have a hopelessly misguided idea of what would actually be fun entertainment for children. For example, do adult bullies REALLY have nothing better to do than pick on a youngster? Does the thrilling climax really have to take place in an institution known as The State Home for the Ugly? And does it need to be populated with figures such as Ghandi, Santa Claus, Abraham Lincoln, or contain departments such as “Too Crippled?” Was everyone thinking they were making a parody, or did they have some perverse desire to turn kids into early societal degenerates?
The actors playing the kids do an alright job. But their performances are limited to voice work more than anything else thanks to the restrictions of their costumes. On the human side Barberi matches the film’s quality, but it’s a shame to see such game and committed actors like Astin and Newley actually giving the production the time of day, showing that EVERY kind of actor is susceptible to the prospect of a big Hollywood production.
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie ends up suffering the same fate as the first Transformers movie in that the toys themselves end up becoming supporting characters, hanging in the shadows of the much less interesting humans. Throughout the film, I couldn’t help thinking that an alternate storyline of Dodger being trapped in their world and needing their help to desperately get back, or something along those lines, would have worked far better. In the end though, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie remains a loud time capsule of 1980s commerciality which will forever remind everyone of the era of sponsorship, where everything was a product.
The Package
The collection of new interviews proves interesting if for no other reason than to hear how those responsible for the movie feel about it today. While Effects Designer John Carl Buechler suggests that watching the film without sound makes it a fun experience, Assistant Director Thomas A. Irvine took it as a learning experience and Astin remains more or less as in love with the film as he ever was.
The Lowdown
Intended or not, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie remains as grotesque and unfunny as the characters it’s named after.
The Garbage Pail Kids Movie is now available on Collector’s Edition Blu-ray from Scream Factory.
