I’m not sure what compelled me to cover the new Blu-ray release of New Year’s Evil from boutique distribution label, Scream Factory. The film itself already been covered by the CINEPUNX Podcast, as well as everyone’s favorite column of turn-based-opinion-generation, Two Cents, and from what I could tell, everyone hated it. But I had to know for myself! What would I have to say about it? Come on, the folks over at Scream Factory don’t putz around. There has to be a reason this was worth restoring for HD. This must have a rightful place amongst Cannon Films’ other titles like Masters of the Universe and Over the Top, right?
WRONG
Diane Sullivan (Roz Kelly — Happy Days) is the worst new wave… punk rock… radio… television (?) personality on earth. From the outset, it was clear not one filmmaker involved in this project has ever been to a concert… maybe never even listened to music. No one knows what new wave sounds like. No one understands the concept of a mosh pit. No one understands they are dressed a little punk, and a little goth, and all at a concert featuring sounds from a time we might think of as the early days of heavy metal. Mrs. Sullivan, a totally like… evil, and… like so… like a total wild child (ya know?) isn’t any more comfortable with her unidentifiable surroundings as the handful of extras barely filling the scene. None of this makes any sense. Following suit, the plot bounds into view, provides a little exposition, then immediately steps on a rake, and is hit in the face by the handle.
Kip Niven (I started thinking of him as the Robert Z’dar of insane eyebrow dimensions) has decided he is going to kill one woman in L.A. every time the clock strikes midnight in each time zone. He has also decided to call the first lady of punk metal goth wave and tell her about it over the phone, voice disguised, and let her know he will be killing her last. By then, her son has already showed up, and has very quickly started losing his mind. Mommy is just a little bit more concerned with her career right now (honestly… not much) than she is about him, and she is apparently the cause of her psychosis as well as Kip Niven’s. We see the killer’s face through all of his slightly gory antics, and there is so little mystery surrounding the “twist” at the end of the film (one the movie doesn’t bother justifying for a second), that I had already figured it out as soon as Niven appeared on screen, and was exited to see how it would all be connected. Fi! What a fool was I!?
The connection basically boils down to… women are bad. They are especially bad when they have jobs AND families. Even that ridiculous misogyny might be a little entertaining if the film had anything (and I mean ANYTHING) to offer. The kills are mostly off screen and lack any creativity. It completely lacks visual style or significance. Not one moment is exciting, or over-the-top, or funny. The acting is so awkward, it was the only element capable of making my skin crawl.
I had to wonder, once the final moments had passed, if this was just a half-assed attempt at creating a new franchise. The killer has a signature weapon, a mask, and the movie goes well out of its way to implausibly set up a sequel. Fortunately, even in that regard, the film seems to have failed. This is not your horror cult treat. This is not your obscure insanity. Avoid.
