Everybody loves The Rock. I love The Rock. I mean no disrespect by calling him “The Rock”. That’s just who he always was to me. I’m semi-old. I remember when he made the switch from “The People’s Champion” to “The Corporate Champion” and back again, in the typically operatic style of 90s professional wrestling. Despite an odd, meandering career subsequently taking him into film acting, he has remained a popular (if under-estimated) figure in Hollywood. Like Arnold Schwarzenegger, he is known for his charisma and larger-than-life physique, more than he is for a body of acting work in significant movies. That’s too bad, because the dude clearly has some acting chops, and if you have been following his online eating regime of Empire State Pancake Stacks to prepare for the role of Hercules, you know he is unafraid of committing to a challenging project. So, when I heard he was selected as the strongest man in the world for this latest go at the Hercules myth, I was excited. Like The Rock’s career, however, this film just isn’t what it ought to be.
Not all is right in Thrace. King Cotys (John Hurt) has sent his daughter to find Hercules (and his merry band of scrappers) to come to their aid, train simple farmers to become warriors, and save the damn day because that’s what the good guys damn well do. Does that sound a little familiar? It is, and that’s not the only familiar piece of this too-common puzzle. Most of the story is filled with elements we have seen in other movies. I started referring to one character as Han Solo when he departed at the moment he was needed most. “Gee, I wonder if he will return in triumph at the perfect moment, deciding the pay of his mercenary work wasn’t enough to keep his conscience silent?” There are several eye-rolling moments of trite tropes coming on as slowly and obviously as the steam roller at the end of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery. I could barely stand listening to yet another pre-battle yell-tastic pep-talk, which is precisely the kind of thing we had heard too many times years ago in this kind of thing. This weak cliche bounced off me like I was the goddamn Nemean Lion. It’s also too small in scope and size. The effects looks cheap and even the largest set pieces seem minuscule in comparison with earlier, more powerful films from the summer season like How to Train Your Dragon 2, or Godzilla. If you’re going to tell the story of the strongest man in the world, the movie should be big as hell.
That being said, the film is certainly not terrible. As I told my movie-going companion, it feels like a movie that would have been more effective depending on the time it was released. I kept thinking about what a nice surprise it would have been in January or February, when Hollywood is mostly taking its guiltiest film dumps on a public willing to escape the cold for even the most pathetic entertainment. It boasts a cast full of cool actors like Rufus Sewell and Ian Mcshane. When the bad guys show up, they are really, REALLY bad, and are as responsible as The Rock for many of the movie’s best moments. Despite some dull action sequences lacking imagination, every time the title character is making hate to someone’s face with a clawed club, I found myself muttering masculine “ooooo’s”, or “Hohoooyeah’s” (I think you know what I’m talking about). There is even one intense emotional moment that managed to inspire chills. Why couldn’t we get more of those emotions, badass moments, and even sparse laughs in higher quantities? Well, we have director, Brett Ratner, to thank for the movie’s shortcomings.
I feel a little spoiled. If you have been reading my series on Hercules in cinema, you may watch this film and think I got almost exactly what I asked for in my third piece. I did… almost. Hercules is definitely human (as a character) this time around, and I enjoyed watching him change and emote as much as he did in this telling of his myths. Really, it’s a movie all about myth itself. We discover (no spoilers) the truth of Hercules’ tales were taller in the oral tradition than they were in reality. Even the beasts he was sent to slay in his labors, for the most part, were less than what he expected to face. In the end, after a couple somewhat interesting plot turns, the most important discovery is that Hercules, more than anyone, or anything else, is exactly as great as his legend says. That might be entertaining enough, but “enough” isn’t what anyone should be expecting from Hercules, or The Rock, when attending what should be a grandiose film in the middle of the Hollywood summer. Next time, give a script (even one as competent as this lackluster work) to a more capable filmmaker.
