This is a recap of what happened on Game of Thrones, Season 4, Episode 10 (The Children). So, you know, there are MANY spoilers. DUH.
My dear Thronians, we’ve survived another season when so many have perished. Let us pause for a moment of silence for the departed, followed by a huzzah for our friends starting new chapters in their lives. Never fear, I’ll wrap up the entire season for you, but first, let’s talk about the finale. (We have a lot of “children” to cover in “The Children.”)
North of/the Wall: We pick up where we left off, with Jon heading north of the Wall to Mance Rayder’s camp to “negotiate.” Mance doesn’t want any more of the free folk to die; he just wants the Watch to let them all through to gate to safety in the south. Jon’s face betrays him before he can grab a nearby knife to kill Mance, and Jon’s about to be in deep trouble when horns sound an attack on the camp. Confused, Jon assures Mance it’s not the Watch — and indeed it’s actually Stannis and his army to the rescue. At last, one would-be king of Westeros has remembered his duty and come to the aid of the Watch. Outnumbered and outhorsed, Mance orders his people to surrender. With the battle won and Team Stannis firmly ensconced at Castle Black, the Watch begins the task of burning the dead (you know, due to that whole returning-as-a-wight-and killing everyone thing). Captive Tormund speculates that Jon can never truly be “a kneeler” again, and encourages Jon to give Ygritte a true sendoff north of the wall. (He knows she loved Jon, because all she ever talked about was killing him. Coincidentally, this is how my husband knows I love him too.) Our sojourn in the north ends with Jon taking Ygritte north and building a pyre for her. (Stark) child #1 has closed one chapter and will soon start another (cue Melisandre giving him a creepy look through the fire).
Elsewhere north of the Wall, Bran, Hodor and the Reeds have finally made it to the ginourmous weirwood tree of their visions. It looks easy enough — just cross one more little snow-covered meadow and you’re there, right? WRONG! This is the north, baby! So you know there are some Jason-and-the-Argonauts-style zombie skeletons just waiting to burst from the ground and murder you to death! Despite Meera’s fighting skills and Bran’s Hodor-warging, it doesn’t look like they’re going to make it to the safety of the tree-cave…until one of the Children of the Forest appears wielding some skeleton-exploding fire-bombs! (If you didn’t watch it, let me assure you this is all as crazy/great as it sounds. Really nice special effects work here.) Everyone makes it but Jojen, who falls victim to a multiple gut-stabbing from a skeleton (see: Talisa) — but it’s totally OK, because he knew what he was getting into, explains our tree guy. That’s right, the thing they’ve traveled all this way to see is a creepy dude with a tree growing out of him who’s been watching all of them all this time (might’ve been nice if he’d sent the fire-bomb chick BEFORE Jojen got stabbed, but whatever). Anyway, he promises Bran that though he’ll never walk again, he WILL learn to fly. (Stark) child #2 is ready for the next phase of his existence.
Meereen: In the east, Daenerys continues to discover that this whole queen thing is not all it’s cracked up to be. Ending slavery may have been the moral thing to do, but the social and economic structure of Slaver’s Bay is in chaos. The slaves may be free, but some of them feel they had it better in the old days, begging Dany to allow them to sell themselves back to their old masters. Though she won’t condone re-enslavement, she notes that freedom means freedom to choose, and allows them to contact with their old masters for a period of a year. The next supplicant appears with some charred bones to show Dany — but this time it’s not goats, but his three-year-old daughter that black dragon Drogon has killed. Though Drogon is missing, Dany makes the decision to chain the remaining two dragons indoors, where they can’t harm anyone. She may be the mother of dragons, but she can’t control her children. Child #3 and #4 are down.
King’s Landing: Further south, a whole passel of Lannister children are up to some high jinks in the capital city. Show Cersei is finally starting to get back on the right track to book Cersei-dom, which is to say bat-shit crazy. First, she gives dishonorably discharged maester Qyburn carte blanche to do whatever crazy experiments on the stabbed/manticore venomed Mountain that he wants, in an attempt to “save” him. Also, she’s decided the whole marrying Loras Tyrell thing is for the birds, and threatens her father with revealing the truth of her incestuous Jaime relationship to the world if forced to marry. (Show Tywin professes not to believe her claims; as this scene is not in the book, it’s never clear whether or not Tywin knows/believes the truth about his twins.) Fresh from her victory over Tywin, Cersei decides it’s time for a little twincest practically in public, an idea with which Jaime is definitely down. Cersei is many things, but up until now, reckless hasn’t really been one of them. But her throwing caution to the wind must be contagious, because the next thing we know Jaime is busting Tyrion out of jail, wishing him farewell and sending him in Varys’ direction. But Tyrion being Tyrion, he can’t just leave without giving dear old dad a piece of his mind. Sneaking into Tywin’s personal chambers, who does he find in bed awaiting Tywin’s return but Shae? Apparently Tywin’s disdain for his son’s use of whores doesn’t extend to himself. Before we even get to see a single boob, Tyrion has strangled Shae to death. Further inspection reveals Tywin in the privy — shitting gold, presumably, because that’s what Lannisters do, right? Well, Tywin will shit no more, gold or otherwise, because TYRION OFFS HIM WITH A CROSSBOW. Life lesson: don’t admit to your son that you’ve always wanted him dead when he’s pointing a weapon at you and your pants are around your ankles. Finished at last, Tyrion is packed away (literally) by Varys and loaded on to a ship. Realizing that with the death of Tywin on top of Tyrion’s escape there’s no way he can return without suspicion, Varys too sets sail on Tyrion’s ship. (Lannister) children #5–7 down.
Near the Coast: As a book reader, I never would have believed it (because it doesn’t happen in the books), but HBO has surprised me once again by having our two dynamic duos encounter each other in the wild. Waking to discover their horses missing (thanks, Obama), Pod and Brienne set out on foot toward the Eyrie, only to discover Arya practicing her water dancing with Needle. Pleased to discover a female warrior, it seems Arya and Brienne will be fast friends…until the Hounds appears, Pod recognizes him, and Brienne realizes the girl she’s talking to is Arya Stark. Brienne has sworn to take Arya, but the Hound refuses to give up her up; thus begins, as fellow Cinapse Thronian Jon P. noted, the longest, most epic/disturbing one-on-one fight since They Live. Try not to avert your eyes (or ears) as Brienne and the Hound BEAT THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER. Like the Jon-almost-meets-Bran scene, this whole meeting is completely not in the book, only this time it doesn’t matter because it’s awesome. This scene pretty much had to happen — the clash of our two favorite on-the-road duos. Brienne is victorious, but to no avail, as Arya has disappeared while Pod was watching the fight (can that kid do ANYTHING right??). Having hidden until they left, Arya makes her way down to the bottom of the cliff where the Hound lays dying. He tries to goad her into a mercy killing, but our girl Arya is having none of it. She steals his money and leaves him to die a slow death, making her way to the shore to try to hire a ship to take her to Jon and the Wall. The ship is heading to Braavos and the captain has no interest in passengers — that is, until Arya flashes her mysterious Jaqen H’ghar coin with a “Valar morghulis” to boot. “Certainly you shall have a cabin,” says our visibly shaken captain; and with that, (Stark) child #8 is off across the sea to a new life in Braavos in the east.
How about them apples to end the season with, Thronians? If you’re one of the ones who didn’t know what was coming, how shocked were you at the coming of Stannis to the Wall? Shae’s death? Tywin’s death? The Hound’s? The chaining of the dragons? I’m just so jaded I can’t even imagine what these things could look like from your perspective. (Please feel free to share in the comments.)
So here’s where we stand at the end of season 4:
JAIME: Back in King’s Landing and adjusting to the loss of his hand. Resumed Kingsguard duties. Training with left hand with Bronn. Twincest relationship with Cersei is not the same. Gave his sword to Brienne so she could find the Stark girls. Helped Tyrion escape.
OBERYN/ELLARIA: Red Viper, we hardly knew ye. Eye candy from Dorne came to town with his paramour Ellaria, ostensibly to take Dorne’s place on the small council/represent the family at Joff’s wedding, but really to seek the truth of/vengeance for his sister’s death during Robert’s Rebellion. Brought it every which way but loose. Served as Tyrion’s champion at his trial. Death by splitting headache.
SANSA: Superbummed due to Robb’s death/wedding to Tyrion. Takes Shae as maid. Befriends Ser Dontos, who’s really working for Littlefinger; he gets her out of King’s Landing during Joff’s wedding (accidental accomplice to Joff’s murder via Dontos necklace via Lady Olenna). Escapes to the Eyrie with Littlefinger, who has the hots for her. We find out this entire series of books/shows was started when Lysa (at Littlefinger’s request) killed Jon Arryn and sent a letter to Cat blaming the Lannisters. Jealous Aunt tries to kill Sansa; Littlefinger pushes Lysa out the Moon Door. Lies for Littlefinger and reveals herself to the Lords of the Vale. Is apparently a badass now?
TYRION: Does his best to be good to Sansa and not fuck Shae. Sends Shae away (supposedly) for her protection. Takes the fall for Joffrey’s death. Loses trial by battle. Kills Shae (who didn’t actually leave, but testified against him) and Tywin; escapes with Varys.
JOFFREY: Married. Dead. LOL!
MARGAERY: Married to Joff. Queen for a day. Widow. Already getting in good with next-husband-to-be Tommen and First Cat Ser Pounce.
ARYA: Kicking ass and taking names with the Hound. Retrieves Needle. Getting good at this killing thing. Abandons Hound to die, seeks own destiny in Braavos.
THE HOUND: Trying to take Arya to the Eyrie for ransom. Killed by Brienne, abandoned by Arya.
THEON/BOLTONS: Theon is flayed into submission as Reek, to the extent that he refuses to be rescued by his sister. Ramsay has him “pretend” to be Theon to take back Moat Cailin from the ironborn. For this victory, Roose Bolton legitimizes Ramsay.
TEAM STANNIS: Wife Selyse is crazy. Daughter Shireen is helpful, teaches Davos to read. Melisandre has boobs. Stannis and Davos secure loan from Iron Bank, save the day in wildling/Watch battle.
SAM/GILLY: Totally in love. Sam sends Gilly to town for protection, which backfires. She and baby return to Castle Black. Sam goes romantic and is becoming a badass. Kisses Gilly and survives battle. Power of love!
BRIENNE/POD: Pod becomes Brienne’s squire when Tyrion orders him to flee so as not to be accused as complicit in Joff’s murder. Pod is useless but hilarious. They find Hot Pie and know that Arya is alive. Trying to reach Eyrie in hope of finding Sansa. Find Hound and Arya instead. Brienne kills hound; Pod loses Arya. 0 for 3 in keeping track of mammals.
DAENERYS: Incites Meereenese slaves to help her and army overthrow slave masters/take city. Does the nasty with New Daario. Yunkai and Astapor in shambles, so decides to stay put in Meereen and be queen. Finds out Jorah had betrayed her for a pardon in Westeros; sends him into exile. Does her best to rule. Locks away dragons when one kills a child. Bonus: Missandei and Grey Worm might have a thing.
JON/YGRITTE: Back at the Castle, Jon tries to warn Watch what’s coming, but they don’t want to listen. Instead send Jon to lead what they think is a suicide mission to clear the deserter brothers out of Craster’s Keep. Survives and returns. Eventually Ygritte’s party attacks from south while Mance’s army attacks from north. Ygritte dies in battle; Jon lives. Plans to try to kill Mance or be killed, but saved by Stannis’ army.
TEAM BRAN: Make it to Craster’s, only to be captured by Watch deserters. Saved when Jon’s band attacks. Escape to continue north rather than alerting Jon. Make it to big tree; Jojen dies in skeleton battle but others live and make it to tree guy inside. Warg powers growing; leg power gone forever, but wing power promised by creepy tree dude. That’s legit, right?
That about covers the gist of the finale and season 4. Stay tuned, though; I’m not done talking about GoT quite yet. Give me your questions/comments below, and look for more analysis and thoughts next week.
Boob Count: Sorry; not a single boob to close out the season
Death Toll: 5+ (Tywin, Hound, Jojen, Shae, little girl, random wildlings and skeletons)
