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This Movie Has A Rock’n’Roll Wizard: Two Cents Blasts Some STUNT ROCK
Two Cents is an original column akin to a book club for films. The Cinapse team will program films and contribute our best, most insightful, or most creative thoughts on each film using a maximum of 200 words each. Guest writers and fan comments are encouraged, as are suggestions for future entries to the column. Join us as we share our two cents on films we love, films we are curious about, and films we believe merit some discussion.
The Pick
Look, what could we possibly say about Stunt Rock that wasn’t spelled out by the film’s own legendary trailer?
Conceived by notorious ‘Oz-ploitation’ maestro Brian Trenchard-Smith (apparently while he was in the shower?) as an easy sell for the youth of the world, Stunt Rock aimed to combine stunts with, wait for it, rock. The film’s ‘plot’ follows accomplished Australian stuntman Grant Page (as himself) as he travels to America and begins doing stuntwork. In between stunts, he hangs out with his cousin’s band, Sorcery, and attends their shows, which involve large-scale magic tricks and an ongoing stage battle between a rock’n’roll wizard and the devil himself.
Despite being intended as an easy commercial hit (with the bulk of its running time made up of musical performances and clips of Page’s stunt work), Stunt Rock more or less vanished after its initial theatrical release. The film obtained a kind of mythic status in the early days of the Internet, eventually garnering a wider release onto DVD.
But, after all this time, does Stunt Rock still…rock?
Next Week’s Pick:
We’ve been covering some of the, uh, ‘scrappier’, let us say, edges of cinema of late, so let’s inject a little bit of class back into these proceedings.
Mulan occupies an odd place in the Disney canon. It’s generally well-liked, but rarely gets mentioned as one of the more beloved entries in the Disney Renaissance, like the likes of Beauty and the Beast or Aladdin. Yet Disney is betting big on the tale’s lasting appeal, spending a reported $290 million on a live action remake directed by Niki Whale Rider Caro and starring Liu Yifei in the titular role along with Donnie Yen, Jet Li, and Gong Li.
Mulan is currently streaming on Netflix Instant.
Would you like to be a guest in next week’s Two Cents column? Simply watch and send your under-200-word review on any MCU film to twocents(at)cinapse.co anytime before midnight on Thursday!
Our Guests
Adrian Torres:
Squint ever so slightly and Brian Trenchard-Smith’s Stunt Rock appears to be some bizarro sequel to This is Spinal Tap. Well, a cheaper, Oz-ploitation rip-off sequel, but the example still holds. Non-stop madcap stunt insanity, with one of the most ludicrous of stories stapled onto it, just for an excuse to feature endless rock concert footage. Sorry, “experience”, because everything that happens in Stunt Rock has to be felt by the audience. That’s key to everyone’s enjoyment here: the ability to let oneself go as everything transpires. While it was never likely to win any awards, it’s hard to totally put down a film like this. There’s earnest excitement punctuating every fireball that Merlin throws at the Devil (yes, you read that right). Or every death defying leap, crash, roll, dive, or crash stunt man Grant Page makes. All in the name of pure entertainment. Say what you will about the hokier aspects or disjointed nature on display, but those same elements are what make it unique & brilliant. They always say you’ve never seen a film like this before, and with Stunt Rock, that’s not an exaggeration. Plus, it has one of the most garishly glorious posters ever made. (@YoAdrianTorres)
HEAVY. METAL. WIZARD.
What, you want me to say more than that? Ugh, fine — although honestly if you’re not sold from those three words alone I doubt you’ll be on board for the rest of it. Stunt Rock is a fun, if scattered, oddball of a movie designed to showcase the talents of both Australian stuntman Grant Page and LA-based rock band Sorcery. To that end, it’s not what I would call a plot-driven film. As writer/director Brian Trenchard-Smith put it, “”Famous stuntman meets famous rock group. Much stunt, much rock. The kids will go bananas.”
It’s interesting to see a legit stuntman play a starring role (it calls to mind Zoë Bell’s turn to acting in Death Proof), and Page is fairly charismatic. The movie doesn’t really give him much to do beyond wander from one stunt sequence to the next, as he ostensibly makes his Hollywood debut working on an action tv series. Those stunt sequences are very impressive, however — even the ones cribbed as stock footage from other movies. Equally fascinating are the concert film-style sequences featuring the band Sorcery. Their stage show hinges on a gimmick — the musicians are accompanied by a pair of magicians who play the roles of Merlin and Satan and engage in a kind of pyrotechnic wizards’ duel over the course of the concert. It sounds a little hokey, but I bet in person it was pretty cool to watch. Stunt Rock is a curio, but it’s an entertaining curio. The stunts are impressive, if deliberately self-indulgent, and the concert sequences are often more compelling than the more character-based scenes in the film. As a pure distillation of cinema as bodily spectacle (as opposed to narrative), Stunt Rock’s combination of stunt sequences, rock music, and magic is unrivaled. It may not be “good,” but it’s definitely fun. (@T_Lawson)
The Team
Well, I’m glad you guys had fun. In Not Quite Hollywood, the documentary all about the golden age of ‘Oz-ploitation’ films, the various talking heads sometimes take a break from slathering praise onto the low-budget and low-rent programmers to admit that, yeah, the films are mostly boring nonsense, but worth suffering through because the intermittent moments of insane stunt work were worth it. Putting together a movie that is just that insane stunt work, with only the most nominal of plots serving as a framing device, actually seems like a solid idea.
But man oh man was this a chore to get through. Page is a perfectly charming leading man, and the actual stunt footage, combined with the meat-and-potatoes inner workings into how these stunts get staged and executed, is all very compelling. But there’s nowhere enough to actually fill a feature film (at one point Trenchard-Smith just cuts to a montage of car crash footage from Gone in 60 Seconds, a jarring non sequitur so blatant it may as well be a Tim & Eric bit) and the attempts to pad it out with Hollywood soap opera nonsense are painful.
And then there’s Sorcery. It sure seems like they’d be a fun band to see live. Once. And it’s sure fun to watch their big stage show. Once. But every time they cut back to ANOTHER full, uncut number from these guys, I started groaning. The whole thing is so off-brand Spinal Tap, I kept expecting a mini-Stonehenge to descend from the ceiling. It doesn’t help that there’s absolutely no connection between the two halves of the film besides Trenchard-Smith’s market research. (@theTrueBrendanF)
“Have you seen Gone in 60 Seconds?”
At almost the exact midpoint of Stunt Rock, stuntman and protagonist Grant Page asks this question and the movie cuts to a full two minutes of chase footage from H.B. Halicki’s famed 1974 muscle-car melee. It’s mind-bogglingly bizarre, hilarious, action-packed, and undeniably tacky. It’s Stunt Rock.
Stunt Rock’s famously insane trailer is a cult classic curio of Ozploitation oddness, but the feature has a hard time keeping up that zany momentum, with amazing footage of Page’s wild stunts paired with way too much time with wizard-themed hair-band Sorcery (which is awesome in theory but gets old very quickly), and a lot of nonsense in-between. The faux-documentary that strings everything together feels very scripted, yet is lean on any meaningful plot.
…Which all sounds a lot more damning than it really is. I love director Brian Trenchard-Smith and this is a great concept, even if the execution is a bit lacking. Page’s death-defying stunt work (which is clearly the highlight of the film) remains incredible, even if it doesn’t come at the breakneck pace of the trailer, and I think we can all count ourselves privileged to have finally checked out this previously hard-to-come-by rarity that’s more famous for its trailer than the actual film itself. (@VforVashaw)
Next week’s pick:
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The Archivist #83: DOLLAR FOR THE DEAD (1998) + JUDGMENT NIGHT (1993)
Emilio Estevez double feature reminds you he is awesome
The Archivist — Welcome to the Archive. As home video formats have evolved over the years, a multitude of films have found themselves in danger of being forgotten forever due to their niche appeal. Thankfully, Warner Bros. established the Archive Collection, a Manufacture-On-Demand DVD operation devoted to thousands of idiosyncratic and ephemeral works of cinema. The Archive has expanded to include a streaming service, revivals of out-of-print DVDs, and Blu-ray discs (which, unlike the DVDs, are factory pressed rather than burned). Join us as we explore this treasure trove of cinematic discovery!
Dollar For The Dead (1998)
I’d never heard of this made-for-TV western before. That’s probably because I generally make it a point to ignore made-for-TV films. Dollar For The Dead makes me want to re-think that policy as it’s about as much fun as westerns ever get. A clear homage to the works of Sergio Leone, right down to the nameless hero, squinty-eyed standoffs, and reverent score, the film this is most akin to, however, is Sam Raimi’s The Quick And The Dead. Applying modern day camera techniques and an ensemble cast to die for, Dollar For The Dead attempts to squeeze as much fun as possible out of the gritty gunslinger subgenre, just as Raimi’s film did. The lean 93 minute runtime allows for perfectly paced and staged operatic gun fights that pay more homage to John Woo (sans the bloodshed) than Leone. And the backstabbing, revenge, and eternal quest for gold all gel perfectly thanks to writer/director Gene Quintano’s clear familiarity and love for the genre in which he is working.
Quintano’s name is not one I was familiar with, but looking over his credits tells me I need to reset my reverence level. Responsible for writing comedy and action/adventure titles such as Comin’ At Ya, multiple Police Academy sequels, a couple of Cannon Quatermain films, and even JCVD’s Sudden Death, this is a man who obviously knows how to craft fun for the big and small screen alike!
And despite the limits of the 4:3 aspect ratio of this made-for-tv title, Dollar For The Dead does have a very cinematic quality to it. Action scenes here are genuinely breathtaking and stylish, featuring slow motion and acrobatics with more clear vision and planning put into them than most Hollywood shoot-em-ups. Quintano has done far less directing than writing, but he’s definitely got a knack for honoring those who came before him with work that honors through emulation.
Adding to the strong pacing and set pieces are the amazing talent assembled in front of the camera. Estevez and William Forsythe make a surprisingly earnest duo of “heroes,” and character actor stalwarts like Ed Lauter, Jonathan Banks, Joaquim De Almeida, and even Howie Long make for a smorgasbord of recognizable talent in an unjustly unknown film.
Any fans of John Woo, Sergio Leone, or Sam Raimi may want to seriously consider giving Dollar For The Dead a spin.
JUDGMENT NIGHT (1993)
If you’re my age or roughly of my generation, there are probably a few things you remember about Judgment Night. And those few things are tracks off of the killer album that famously paired metal groups with rap groups to craft original music that blew our collective minds at the time. From what you can hear in the film proper, those distinctive tracks do still stand out and steal the show right out from under the weird little movie itself. Judgment Night isn’t so much the 90s classic you want it to be; but rather a nondescript footnote with killer tunes guiding you through.
A film whose only female characters are lead Emilio Estevez’ wife and baby daughter, Judgment Night is exclusively about a relatively unlikeable group of bros who end up in the wrong place at the wrong time being hunted by some murderous gangsters who, in the scheme of things, feel like people you’d rather hang out with than our heroes. Maybe that’s because the lead villain is Denis Leary’s Fallon, and Denis Leary is often among the best parts of any movie he’s in. (See: The Amazing Spider-Man). But it’s also because, despite being filled with actors we know and occasionally love, Judgment Night’s heroes are what one might call “unsympathetic”. Emilio Estevez’ Frank is just looking for a fun night out with his friends at the boxing match, something he hasn’t done for three months since the birth of his baby girl. We know this because his wife is portrayed as a nag, and the wife and daughter go from serving as a ball and chain from which to be freed to the symbol upon which Frank will grow up and find the strength he needs to fight back against his assailants. Frank’s little brother John is played by Stephen Dorff as a young punk who constantly bickers with his older brother. Then you’ve got Cuba Gooding, Jr. as college buddy Mike, the lothario of the group who constantly reminds Frank about the balls he used to have in college and how neutered he’s become thanks to that drag of a wife and daughter. Lastly we’ve got the slick, slimeball-ish Ray as portrayed by Jeremy Piven. As the shit hits the fan and our group become increasingly screwed, perhaps Piven is supposed to be the realistic one who makes self-serving decisions. But rather than coming off as a nuanced portrayal of what some will do when faced with their lives, he ultimately just comes off as more craven than our resident murderers.
Judgment Night also does a weird job of completely avoiding any exploration of race or class in this thriller that could be almost entirely about those things. The basic premise of a bunch of fairly well-off bros on their way to a big fight night in a rented luxury RV who get off at the wrong part of town, witness something they shouldn’t have seen, and end up hunted by street criminals, screams for some kind of relevant social commentary. But the most you’ll get is Frank realizing his ole wife and daughter aren’t so bad after all in the face of violent death. And maybe some of his friends realize the time really has come to grow up and become men?
I’d be a lot more forgiving of Judgment Night if it really crackled with excitement. But it really doesn’t. The most fun you’ll have with the film is the time capsule element of seeing all these awesome actors at a certain period of their careers, hearing a few of those killer tracks, and exploring director Stephen Hopkins’ wild career (he of Predator 2, Nightmare On Elm Street 5, and the Lost In Space remake fame). It’s a fun enough film to revisit, but not quite a gem ripe for re-discovery.
And I’m Out.
Dollar For The Dead and Judgment Night are both available on DVD from The Warner Archive.
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Happy Birthday, Michelle Pfeiffer!
Celebrating the film icon’s contribution to cinema with a look back at her impressive career.
Today marks Michelle Pfeiffer’s 60th birthday and while most actresses are all but discarded when they reach such an age, only to be casually remembered by modern-day cinephiles, the three time Oscar nominee’s popularity among fans remains strong. Besides being name-dropped in songs by popular artists, she’s still being sought after for high-profile roles and is able to shine and conjure up on-screen chemistry with a variety of co-stars from Robert De Niro to Jennifer Lawrence.
One other consistent factor about Pfeiffer that remains is a lack of interest when it comes to publicity and a reluctance to revisit her past work. Therefore it came as a great surprise to fans when she agreed to take part in the 35th anniversary reunion of Scarface put on by the Tribeca Film Festival earlier this month. The event soon hit a sour note however after Pfeiffer was asked by moderator Jesse Kornbluth exactly how much she weighed while making the iconic movie. Though the intent was to find out the lengths Pfeiffer went to in order to bring her character (the cocaine-addicted Elvira) to life, the execution of the question reeked of tackiness, causing a large number of boos to erupt throughout the audience. The flood of social media backlash hit almost instantly with many fans leaping to Pfeiffer’s defense and causing such an uproar with cries of sexism and chauvinism so loud that Kornbluth was forced to (clumsily) defend himself in the press.
Even as critics of Kornbluth began to turn on each other, the lone figure who walked away unscathed from the incident was Pfeiffer who, although somewhat taken aback by the initial question, gave an answer full of dignity and composure in a way only she could. It was a move which seemed to tipify the kind of strength the actress brings to her work as a champion of strong female characters. While her glamorous image and sexual allure haven’t made her the most apparent of on-screen feminists akin to Bette Davis, Jane Fonda or Meryl Streep, there’s always been something in the work Pfeiffer does, and the way she interprets the characters she brings to life which greatly speaks to female empowerment.
From her early obscure stuff and even after she garnered a small amount of attention, Pfeiffer, like most young actresses, was typecast as “the girl;” the pretty face with the flowing hair who was the object of desire which the film’s leading man was determined to win over. Yet there’s something about Pfeiffer in this mold which seemed to suggest that although she was playing such a role, it was not without making a statement. Grease 2’s Stephanie Zinoni dares to go against the Pink Lady code and go after someone who isn’t a T-Bird, while Scarface’s Elvira spends most of her screen time silently judging Tony, Frank and the lifestyle they all share until she reaches her breaking point. In both cases Pfeiffer’s characters know they’re better than the worlds they’re in. For them, their hunger for something more and their self-awareness are just too big for both Rydell High and the Miami nightlife to contain.
It’s funny how Pfeiffer’s first tastes of box-office success came from playing a trio of women who, on the surface, had little in common. Yet Suki Ridgemont in The Witches of Eastwick, Jo Ann Valenari in Tequila Sunrise and Angela De Marco in Married to the Mob all contain a common thread. Although possessing different social statuses, each one is a woman of independent means. Suki is a divorced mother of six whose husband up and left, while Angela is a widow with a young son and Jo Ann is like a wounded animal having escaped a troubled past. Their professions as journalist, hairdresser and restauranteur, respectively, say more about the societies in which they’ve chosen to assert their independence and how much of their lives they must devote to them. Yet the roles showed an ability to exist outside of the world which defined them in the past by being able to develop new identities. Above all though, each woman never forgets that she is indeed still a woman by allowing herself to embrace her sexuality by attractions to Mel Gibson’s reformed drug dealer, Matthew Modine’s undercover cop and Jack Nicholson’s devil.
The three roles feel like a definite precursor of sorts to what would inevitably be one of Pfeiffer’s most identifiable films; The Fabulous Baker Boys. As the former call girl turned lounge singer Susie Diamond, Pfeiffer’s character may lack the success to rebound the way her characters in the aforementioned movies did, at times coming off more scrappy than independent. Still, there’s a worldliness and a radiance about Susie’s rough edges that flows through every scene she graces. As a character, she wants nothing more than to be left alone by the rest of the world while the world itself cannot help but become transfixed by her.
By the time the 90s rolled around Pfeiffer was now a twice Oscar-nominated star and a bonafide Hollywood player with studios, producers and directors all chomping at the bit to work with her. It’s ironic (or perhaps unknowingly intentional) then that she should gravitate towards projects in which her characters blatantly go against the system. The Russia House saw her character Katya Orlova, a russian book editor, rebel against the Soviet Union to deliver a manuscript which contains a number of military secrets. Meanwhile in The Age of Innocence, Pfeiffer accidentally courts scandal as Countess Ellen Olenska, whose return to early 20th century New York society is met with gossip and disdain as a result of the character leaving her husband and filing for divorce. The motives and manners of both women couldn’t be more different. Katya’s efforts stem from defiance and look to serve the greater good, while Ellen’s is rooted in the movie’s titular innocence and are purely self-serving. Yet both offer up portraits of women determined to find a better way of life even if it means going against the rules of their societies.
If there was another archetypal 90s Pfeiffer character, it was surely that of the woman who sheds her skin and finds her voice. Nowhere is this more evident than in her most famous role; Batman Returns. As Selina Kyle (who must die and transform into Catwoman so that she can make the real Selina Kyle come alive), she portrays not a villain, but rather an anti-hero finally unleashing her true self onto the world. Yet in a lot of ways it’s her Oscar-nominated turn in Love Field (released on the heels of Batman’s success) which better illustrates this theme. As Lurene Hallet, the bleached blonde housewife who idolizes Jackie Kennedy to no end, she finds herself making that final leap into adulthood when she defies her husband and sets off on a mission to attend JFK’s funeral. Watching Lurene go from someone who has devoted her life to both her louse of a husband and the First Lady only to realize that she’s worthy of an identity away from the two figures is nothing short of beautiful.
The great thing about Pfeiffer’s choices is how even her most seemingly throwaway of Hollywood fare contains telling aspects of female empowerment. Wolf’s Laura Alden may not be the strongest of Pfeiffer’s roles (even she herself labeled her part as “the girl”), but there’s something incredibly intriguing and human about this lost soul who banished herself from a society because she felt she didn’t belong there. One Fine Day’s Melanie Parker may seem like she doesn’t have things together throughout the fluffy comedy, but in a day which consists of having to watch her child, handle one of the biggest milestones of her career and fall in love with George Clooney’s Jack, it’s more than clear that she does. Even the swiftly-dismissed comedy The Story of Us in which her and Bruce Willis star as a married couple at the beginning of a divorce ends with a conventional Hollywood happy ending, but only after Pfeiffer’s Katie Jordan is shown to have been the one who insists on the break-up and eventual reconciliation, refusing to take Willis’s Ben back until she is sure she wants him back.
One could make the case that not all of Pfeiffer’s choices have been 100% pro-feminism. The romantic drama Up Close and Personal and the horror thriller What Lies Beneath see Pfeiffer’s characters being guided by the men in their lives; essentially pulling the strings and designating the former’s Tally Atwater into the shape of successful news anchor and the latter’s Claire Spencer into dutiful housewife. Yet it’s interesting to note how by the time both movies end, Robert Redford’s Warren and Harrison Ford’s Norman have both perished, leaving Pfeiffer’s heroines to show they have the ability to flourish after their husbands’ deaths.
There’s also a rather brave quality of some of Pfeiffer’s choices which show how power can oftentimes corrupt a woman. Rose Cook Lewis from A Thousand Acres becomes a sort of land barron, taking over the family farm and nearly destroying her relationship with sister Ginny (Jessica Lange) as a means of revenge against their father (Jason Robards). I Am Sam’s Rita Harrison Williams is shown to have lost touch with her humanity as a result of a need to thrive in her career, White Oleander’s Ingrid Magnussen pays for the depth of her obsessions with her freedom and Stardust’s Lamia is a flat out criticism of the trappings which come with desire. While none of the characters contain much to praise, Pfeiffer nonetheless paints interesting pictures out of all of them in which she intelligently explores the darkness of femininity in various complex forms.
What’s been interesting to see over the last 10 years is that even though the nature of Pfeiffer’s parts have changed (as they would for any actress as she ages), the sensibilities within them have echoed the characters of her starlet years. I Could Never Be Your Woman’s Rosie, Hairspray’s Velma and Cheri’s Lea each see women from different eras and social experiences break a different glass ceiling by taking on positions of power. Personal Effects’ Linda and People Like Us’ Lillian are both illustrations of women dealing with grave loss and coming out the other end, while The Family’s Maggie Blake and The Wizard of Lies’ Ruth Madoff show Pfeiffer inhabiting women plagued by the actions of their husbands who emerge scarred, but strengthened.
Pfeiffer may never be recognized for her work in the way Katherine Hepburn and Faye Dunaway have been for portraying women both forceful and formidable. But through the bulk of her film output, Pfeiffer continues to bring to life time and time again to an array of characters who continue to challenge norms, customs and notions of the kind of woman who should exist in the various worlds her films are set it. Last year’s phantasmagorical mother! saw the actress in a tour-de-force turn as a 21st century Eve serving as a guardian angel to Jennifer Lawrence and Murder on the Orient Express cast her as socialite Mrs. Hubbard; a sort of bull in a China shop with no care towards 1930’s social boundaries.
At the stage in life when actresses are relegated to TV guest appearances and bit roles in forgettable films, Pfeiffer enjoys a thriving assortment of parts which have begun to surpass the careers of her contemporaries. The actress recently enjoyed some of the most glowing reviews of her career for playing a desperate woman bent on survival by any means necessary in the indie drama Where is Kyra? Meanwhile, fans eagerly await her return to the superhero genre this July as original Avengers founding member Janet van Dyne (a performance which Marvel boss Kevin Feige has labeled as “amazing” and “iconic”) in Ant-Man and the Wasp. With recent news of her starring alongside Angelina Jolie in next year’s Maleficent 2 (playing a queen, no less) causing a celebratory frenzy among fans, it seems that as Pfeiffer reaches this milestone birthday, the actress still has plenty to do and more to say.
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RiverRun 2018: YOUTHMIN
A Self Aware Love Letter To A Ridiculous Profession
The RiverRun International Film Festival is a regional event based in Winston-Salem, NC and is one of the premier film festivals in the southeastern United States. The 20th annual RiverRun will be held April 19–29, 2018.
As a former youth minister of 8 years (and a film critic of 15 years and counting), there’s no question that I’m the exact target audience for this Office-style mockumentary of the unique world of modern American youth ministry. I’m uniquely qualified, then, to say that this film gets it, and accurately nails this bizarre segment of Christendom.
It’s apparent that YouthMin was pulled off on an extremely limited budget and really doesn’t have much of a cinematic quality to it. Becoming a part of the long tradition of casting actors who are clearly no longer teenagers to play teens doesn’t necessarily help the film either, especially since many of the actors aren’t especially strong. But look past these shortcomings and there’s a heart here.
What stands out in YouthMin is the script and the tone. Nailing a sort of cynical and simultaneously heartfelt ode to an absolutely ridiculous profession and subculture, YouthMin appropriately skewers the entire model of youth ministry while simultaneously including a fair amount of character growth in its simple structure.
Written by Arielle Cimino, Christopher O’Connell, and Jeff Ryan (and directed by Cimino and Ryan), the screenplay has overzealous youth pastor David (Ryan) taking his small group of 6 students to Summer Bible Camp along with a new pregnant (and unmarried) co-worker foisted upon David at the last minute by his pastor (Tori Hines as Rachel, the heart of the film). Camp hijinks ensue, such as over competitive games, a Bible trivia competition, and a talent show.
While not brilliant, the script really does work. Introducing us to a small group of six teens and two youth leaders, there are just enough characters to connect with as a viewer and also just enough to skewer many of the different “types” of youth group student you’re likely to find in every church. There are the sheltered, conservatively dressed suck ups, the unfiltered goth-like kids, the dating couple, and that one kid that just literally never talks. Having this group head off to bible camp gives the story a clear arc and allows these characters a little time to not just be the representation of their particular stereotype, but to learn and grow and feature in hilarious set pieces.
The highlight comedic bits for me include any time David teaches a lesson to his students, revealing he’s little more than a child in an adult’s body. I was there once too, David. There’s a hilarious Bible trivia discussion where the goth girl references a Bible character who “drops his load” on the ground, which angers God so He smites him. David refuses to acknowledge this is in the bible and the book nerd kid finds it right in there in the Good Book! Probably the funniest bit is when David believes he’s witnessed a homosexual act being performed by one of his most sheltered students. David experiences his own crisis trying to figure out how to “handle” his “first gay student” and the ensuing conversation between the student (who has no understanding of what a blow job even is, and is just swept up in a huge misunderstanding), David, and Rachel, had me absolutely chuckling. It’s a kind of “who’s on first” discussion between a child, a man-child, and Rachel as a real adult trying to navigate both of these guys’ crises. It’s a hilarious sequence, and one of a small handful that make YouthMin an overall recommend for a fairly limited audience of people who will feel at home in its world.
And I’m Out.
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Two Cents Becomes Part of a Bigger Universe (Let’s Talk Our Favorite MCU Movies)
Two Cents is an original column akin to a book club for films. The Cinapse team will program films and contribute our best, most insightful, or most creative thoughts on each film using a maximum of 200 words each. Guest writers and fan comments are encouraged, as are suggestions for future entries to the column. Join us as we share our two cents on films we love, films we are curious about, and films we believe merit some discussion.
The Pick
On the one hand, ten years isn’t really that long a period of time in the grand scheme of things. But, on the other, it’s time enough for high schoolers to grow into adults, to go from single to being a part of a couple, to being a parent. Ten years is more than enough time for your life to change.
And ten years proved to be more than enough time for Marvel Studios to rewrite the filmmaking game forever. What began in 2008 as a small(ish) production house working through the B and C-list characters that hadn’t been already snatched up by rival studios has grown into a mass media juggernaut. The Marvel Cinematic Universe routinely pulls in billion dollar paydays at the box office and has made household names out of some of the strangest and most obscure characters from the comic books margins (imagine, just ten years ago, trying to explain to someone who Groot is).
For better or worse, Marvel has built an empire out of a single, interlinked universe of films, and there are no signs of it slowing down.
Infinity War arrives this weekend to put a cap on this first decade of marvels, and we’re as excited as anyone to see it. Rather than pick one film to highlight, we opted to let our readership and team choose their own film to talk about. So, without further ado, here are our favorite films from the MCU (so far).
Next Week’s Pick:
How on earth do we possibly follow up an epic Two Cents covering the cosmic entirety of the Marvel Cinematic Universe?
The answer, friends, is deceptively simple. We’re watching Stunt Rock.
We know there’s a pretty good chance that many of you have A) seen this trailer before, and a B) not actually ever watched this rare film. Let’s rectify that. Can it possibly live up to this trailer? Almost certainly not, but we’re sure as hell not gonna pass up the opportunity to finally catch this weirdness thanks to Amazon Prime! So grab a satisfying beverage and a watermelon (hand-sliced by katana, of course) and join us in an orgy of explosions, death-defying car crashes, and magical rock & roll!
Would you like to be a guest in next week’s Two Cents column? Simply watch and send your under-200-word review on any MCU film to twocents(at)cinapse.co anytime before midnight on Thursday!
Our Guests
Adrian Torres:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 – It may seem like an easy or obvious choice, given how recent it is, but like Winter Soldier it’s one of the MCU’s rare instances that doesn’t stumble in the second going. Instead, going after bigger, bolder and more audacious overtones, while keeping the magic that makes the first film so indelible. A grand, pulse-pounding cosmic adventure with huge space battles, but whose story is on a smaller level, extolling the importance of family. Both those of blood and the ones we make for ourselves. Yes, they’re still a bunch of a-holes, but they’re our a-holes. It’s may be the least directly connected of the 18 MCU films, yet that helps more than most would imagine. By removing itself from the necessary shackles of setting up other franchises, Vol. 2 is able to dive deeper into the everything the cosmos has to offers. There’s gods, space royalty, an army of Ravagers, baby Groot and of course the most important of all additions…. Kurt Russell. Above everything though, this is a movie which embraces the reason we love to shuffle off to the theater: a desire to entertain the hell out of anyone who chooses to watch it. (@YoAdrianTorres)
Brendan Agnew (The Norman Nerd):
A few months before I saw Guardians of the Galaxy, my wife lost her mother. Weeks before I saw the sequel, I both found out that my father had Parkinson’s, and I also became a father myself.
That was…a lot.
These silly space movies about raccoons with laser guns and walking trees punched into my chest and pulled out my heart, and I don’t think I’ll ever get it back from them. I was not ready for that. Ever since “Peter, take my hand” in the cold open in 2014, I haven’t been ready. A film like Logan that you know is going to be a long, hard road – that’s emotional labor in your entertainment that you can plan for. But this? With the mom rock and the space pirates and Kurt Russell talking about his penis and then all of a sudden you’re sobbing because of something a gotdamn RACCOON said?
You’re never prepared for that. I didn’t know that I would fall so in love with these specific films, anymore than I knew that they could help be such a personal catharsis for specific moments in my life. Guardians of the Galaxy ripped the bandage off a wound that was barely starting to heal. That hurt. Vol. 2 looked me dead in the eye and told me that I will still be able find a way to comfort my child even after I, someday, will have to bury the man who raised me. No matter how much you hurt, there’s a seed of something in your pain that can ease someone else’s.
Because that’s what family does. We lose each other and find each other over and over again, ripping pieces off of ourselves to fill the holes in those we love. And if we’re lucky, someone will be there at the end to thank us for that.
Even if we never get to hear it. (@BLCAgnew)
Travis Warren:
My favorite MCU film is Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2. I had been looking forward to it since the first film was released. On first viewing the film surpassed my expectations, but I came out saying I preferred Vol. 1. Needless to say, I have come to realize it is better than the first in every way. I love it even more every time I see it. The writing, directing, acting, and visuals are the most impressive of any film in the MCU. However, what puts this film above all the others for me is the emotion. It’s a beautiful film. All I have left to say is thank you, James Gunn.
Jesse Ferguson:
I want to talk about Doctor Strange. More specifically, his watch:
Throughout the film, I loved how the watch came to represent “his old life.” It’s mutilated in the crash, frozen at the exact moment his old life is ended. He spends everything he has (presumably liquidating all his assets, including his expensive watches) looking for a way to fix his hands, but he can’t get rid of that watch, even though it’s now effectively worthless. When he’s mugged in Nepal he says “it’s all I have left.” It’s set aside and largely forgotten while he’s training, save for a few moments of longing and reflection.
He doesn’t put the watch back on again until the end of the film, after he’s made peace with his new life, and his new role in it. It’s mentioned explicitly that he now has the power to fix his hands at any time, but he chooses not to. Likewise, he could easily turn back time on the watch, putting it back to pre-accident state. He chooses not to, and instead wears it, broken though it is, as a reminder that who he was is part of who he has become. Brilliant. (@TheDapperDM)
A qualification: Black Panther is the BEST Marvel movie. Period. No contest. That said, I don’t feel qualified to write about it (having only seen it once, months ago). So instead I’m going to talk about why I love Doctor Strange so much. Broadly, it’s the Iron Man formula — but refined from almost a decade of Marvel revising and fine-tuning and distilling their characters into film. I’m solidly Team Cumberbatch in most things, and happen to think he brings just the right balance of snark and pathos to the title character. Benedict Wong and Chiwetel Ejiofor are both very good as Strange’s fellow sorcerers, and the always watchable Mads Mikkelsen is a suitably fanatical villain.
Before its release I was worried that the film would not be able to capture the weirdness of supernatural/cosmic Marvel, but the visuals in Doctor Strange evoke the odd shapes and colors of those original comics while also operating within the ‘house style’ of the MCU. Strange’s first trip through various dimensions and realms is one of the most unique special effects sequences in the MCU, and the villain’s ability to manipulate reality makes for some fun action set pieces. Also the score by Michael Giacchino is, as is always the case with Giacchino scores, wonderful. But my favorite part of Doctor Strange has nothing to do with action or special effects (although it is a fairly heavy special effects sequence). It is Strange’s final confrontation with Dormammu. It is both an utterly satisfying payoff for Strange’s character arc and a battle unlike any other in the MCU, because Strange chooses not to fight. He comes to bargain, and in forcing a negotiation arrives at an outcome better than winning any fight. This is a smart, refreshing change from the sort of CGI action spectacle that has become standard for superhero blockbusters, and leaves Strange (and his sorcerer peers) in a place that begs for a direct sequel (hey Marvel — hurry up and get Derrickson & Cargill on that!). Until then, I look forward to seeing the Sorcerer Supreme team up with the Avengers and the Guardians this weekend. (@T_Lawson)
The Team
My favorite Marvel films are the Blade films but I guess I can’t write about that one. I would write about how the Avengers films are shit, but I guess today is a day to be positive. So… Guardians of the Galaxy it is.
I love this film. I love the sequel as much, in fact. However, this movie really hit me like a ton of bricks. With a marginal knowledge of the books and an admiration for James Gunn, I thought this would be a good time. But, damn, I couldn’t have expected just how much I was going to love this.
Marvel meets Star Wars meets that Gunn sensibility, this one is a win from start to finish. Lots of laughs, lots of thrills, and a few tear jerker moments — I watch this every few months and don’t expect that to change for a long time. (@thepaintedman)
I may have been one of the first fans of the universe to experience full on Marvel fatigue. I had had enough of the character grandness, the indulgence in special effects and the desire to take things way more seriously than was needed. Then Ant-Man came along. For me, the film was a breath of fresh air; the ultimate underdog of the Marvel family. As a normal guy, Scott Lang wasn’t a billionaire industrialist like Tony Stark, nor a genius scientist a la Bruce Banner. He was a man who had paid his debt to society whose transformation into superhero status thrust him onto the threshold of a sort of spiritual redemption. In so many ways, Scott Lang is the most unexpected of superheroes, both in his aversion to the role and in the underestimated strength of his alter ego. Yet the combination of both his reluctance and inexperience ultimately makes him one of the most watchable, relatable and endearing figures ever to don the Avenger moniker. As a movie, Ant-Man is a hilarious venture thanks to Edgar Wright’s flawless script, a more than game cast and the movie’s overall approach which has such a fun, comic pop edge than cannot be dismissed. While the bulk of Marvel’s output tries so hard to be cool, Ant-Man’s aim is to simply be fun; which thanks to solid filmmaking and the accidental hero at the center, it never fails to be. (@FrankFilmGeek)
We can debate which is the most fun Marvel movie, or which is the Marvel movie that is most emblematic of the studio, or the culture, or the world at large. But the best Marvel Studios film is Black Panther, bar none. And if this is the sort of filmmaking and chance-taking we can expect now that the MCU is fully established, crazy-popular, and walking with a swagger unseen since the early days of Pixar, then, well, my God are we in for some riches ahead.
Black Panther isn’t just a top-notch action-adventure film. It’s not just a confident piece of sci-fi/fantasy. It’s not just a terrific work of populism, aimed squarely at an audience that has long deserved greater representation and instead been forced to subsist on scraps. It’s all those things combined, all shot through with an intimacy and immediacy borne of a brilliant filmmaker (Ryan Coogler, somehow topping his own historic work on Creed) using the canvas of a big-budget superhero story to illustrate a deeply personal story about identity and coming to terms with who you want to be as you establish yourself as an adult. For as much fun as Black Panther is, and it’s a blast from the eye-popping costumes and world-building of Wakanda, down to the Kendrick Lamar beats thumping on the soundtrack, and for as proudly, defiantly African as the film is, it is ultimately a universal story about accepting the sins of the past and choosing to build on those mistakes, about making peace with history so that you might inspire hope for the future. Black Panther isn’t just the pinnacle of the MCU, it’s one of the great triumphs of modern day cinema, and I cannot wait to see what wonders it inspires from both contemporary filmmakers and all those who will follow next. (@theTrueBrendanF)
Reading the input of our friends and guests, there’s a definite trend toward the newer films. Shockingly, no one has mentioned an Avengers, Iron Man, or Captain America film despite the obvious fact that they are wildly popular and beloved. While it could be that these newer films are just fresher on our minds, I think it’s simply indicative that the Marvel Universe films have simply gotten even better and better over time, allowing for greater deviation, incorporating more style, and taking more risks. Review the sequence of posters that opens this article, there’s a noticeable burst of color at the end, the wildest of which is Thor: Ragnarok.
When Iron Man 2‘s post-credits scene first promised the coming of Thor, I groaned audibly. Thor was so goofy and ill-fitting in the comic book universe. Why bring over the worst major character of the comics when so there are many better ones to choose from? And yet, I ended up loving the movie version of the character and his world, thanks to a humorous approach and dedication to capturing the design spirit of Jack Kirby. Thor: Ragnarok delivers on these specific key strengths in the biggest fashion ever, taking the hilarious direction of Taika Waititi, lovable characters, and one of Marvel’s best screen villains, smashing it up with the best Hulk story, Planet Hulk.
On top of that, the musical landscape is incredible, which is fitting since key scenes are clearly designed to look like they were ripped from heavy metal album covers. Complementing Mark Mothersbaugh’s magnum opus of an electronic score is the perfection of Led Zeppelin. In fact my only complaint about the movie is that they whip out “Immigrant Song”too early, using it twice instead of saving its impact for the finale. (@VforVashaw)
Next week’s pick:
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Two Cents Takes a Paddle to BEERFEST
Two Cents is an original column akin to a book club for films. The Cinapse team will program films and contribute our best, most insightful, or most creative thoughts on each film using a maximum of 200 words each. Guest writers and fan comments are encouraged, as are suggestions for future entries to the column. Join us as we share our two cents on films we love, films we are curious about, and films we believe merit some discussion.
The Pick
Since their college days, the lads of the Broken Lizard comedy troupe (Jay Chandrasekhar, Kevin Heffernan, Steve Lemme, Paul Soter, and Erik Stolhanske) have made a name for themselves making likable movies that seem to take a while for people to actually like.
Super Troopers, Club Dread, and this week’s pick, Beerfest, are all solidly mainstream comedies, yet they all largely flopped on arrival, only to build sizable cult followings on home media. Maybe people just needed the freedom to imbibe the same chemicals as the characters in the movies in order to appreciate the humor.
With Beerfest, Soter and Stolhanske take the lead, starring as Jan and Todd Wolfhouse. After the passing of their beloved grandfather (Donald Sutherland), the brothers are tasked with bringing his ashes to the family resting place at the secret, underground international drinking contest known as Beerfest. After a humiliating encounter with the German team (including Will Forte, Eric Christian Olsen, and Ralf Moeller, under the leadership of Jürgen Prochnow), the Wolfhouse brothers are determined to build their own team and return in glory. They end up rallying the rest of Broken Lizard, including Heffernan’s champion eater/drinker Landfill, Lemme’s hyper-nebbish Fink, and Chandrasekhar as traumatized man-whore Barry Badrinath.
Beerfest barely broke even at the box office, but in the years since its release the film has entered the cultural lexicon with its puppet-fondlings, seemingly limitless reserve of drinking games, and Das Boots. With Broken Lizard making a triumphant return to theaters this week with the long awaited Super Troopers 2, we figured it was only fitting to pour ourselves a nice tall glass of something cold and gold, and partake in another round. — Brendan
Next Week’s Pick:
Hey True Believers, Marvel’s years-in-the-making convergence mega event Avengers: Infinity War is nearly upon us! We thought it would be fun to pick a Marvel title for Two Cents, but how to even begin to choose? The clearest mainline predecessor in Civil War? The cosmic fun of Guardians of the Galaxy or Thor: Ragnarok? An earlier favorite like Iron Man or Avengers? Left-field with Doctor Strange or Ant-Man?
For the first time in Two Cents history, our pick — is your pick. It’s a BYO2C event and we want to you to send us your two cents on a Marvel Cinematic Universe film of your choosing. Presumably your favorite, but that’s up to you. Excelsior! — Austin
Would you like to be a guest in next week’s Two Cents column? Simply watch and send your under-200-word review on any MCU film to twocents(at)cinapse.co anytime before midnight on Thursday!
The Team
I’m drunk. And I spent some time with the Lizards today, celebrating their release of Super Troopers 2. I began with Club Dread and proceeded to Beerfest. As I drank scotch and beer, and watched the comedic prowess of this crew at work, I was reminded that these are nothing more and nothing less than extremely fun and enjoyable films.
Beerfest was my favorite of their films for some time. While it’s not number one anymore (likely third behind Club Dread and Super Troopers), I can watch it over and over with getting tired of it. There are some legitimately great jokes, a ton of laugh worthy visual gags, and a generally good natured, fun atmosphere throughout.
I don’t have anything profound to say, partially because I’m writing this drunk but mostly because this isn’t a movie that’s meant for profundity. It’s a movie meant for fun… and fun it is.
Prost! (@thepaintedman)
Unlike Justin, I am not drunk while writing about Beerfest. I was drunk while watching Beerfest, certainly, which maybe explains why I had such a good time with such a shaggy and shapeless film.
Beerfest will always have a special place in my heart if only because in college me and my buddies would imitate the bit where Kevin Heffernan plays with the creepy puppet. We did this constantly, for no reason. “The bubble.” “In your face it explodes!” “It’s frustrating. It’s frustrating.” Even though college is long in the past, we still bust that out from time to time and, honest to God, it makes me giggle like a loon every time.
How is Beerfest as a movie, though? It’s fine. Way too long (this shoulda been a 90-minute romp. At just short of two full hours, Beerfest starts to really wear out its welcome) but perfectly charming in its eager-to-please smuttiness. You could argue that Beerfest was the first Broken Lizard movie to be made after they realized the cultish adulation Super Troopers grew in frat houses across America, and certain scenes and bits reek of being reverse-engineered to please that specific audience (most blatantly: the scene where Broken Lizard crashes a frat party and plays drinking games with the kids). It works, to the extent that it does, in large part because Chandrasekhar had by this point grown into a fairly confident comedy filmmaker, and the anything-goes, take-the-piss-out-of-yourself-constantly flavor of Broken Lizard’s comedy works well in the cartoon reality of secret, lethal drinking competitions. I don’t really feel a burning need to revisit Beerfest all that often, but this was a pleasant little watch. (@theTrueBrendanF)
This is the first Broken Lizard movie I’ve ever watched, and it argued a pretty compelling case for being the last.
There’s some fun to be had here, and I loved seeing Jürgen Prochnow and Ralf Möller hamming it up on the German team, even if everything else about the German representation here is indefensible.
But despite being a defender of a lot of trash movies, I just didn’t jive with the juvenile and idiotic humor that permeates this one. There are some good gags — Jay Chandrasekhar’s beer goggles, the deliberate mispronunciation of “Das Boot” (and a fun reference to that film), and the deus ex machina appearance of “Landfill II” — but for the most part the overlong Beerfest only works if you’re as inebriated as its protagonists.
Believe it or not I actually own this Blu-ray (Amazon had it for $1.75 once), so thanks to Brendan for actually getting me to pull it out and give it a watch. (@VforVashaw)
Watch it on Netflix:
https://www.netflix.com/title/70053823
Next week’s pick:
Iron Man (2008)
The Incredible Hulk (2008)
Iron Man 2 (2010)
Thor (2011)
Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)
The Avengers (2012)
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Thor: The Dark World (2013)
Captain America: The Winter Soldier (2014)
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014)
Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015)
Ant-Man (2015)
Captain America: Civil War (2016)
Doctor Strange (2016)
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017)
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Thor: Ragnarok (2017)
Black Panther (2018) -
CYBORG Collector’s Edition Blu-ray: Scream Factory Treats Cannon Films With Reverence
It’s a new era for high def JCVD
There was a glorious time in the late 1980s in which cousins Menahem Golan and Yoram Globus were producing movies under the Cannon Films label. These were films that featured a bizarre roster of stars ranging from those with extremely little in the way of acting chops (but whom we loved anyway, like Michael Dudikoff, Sho Kosugi, or Chuck Norris), to established legends (Charles Bronson and Sylvester Stallone), or up and coming stars (Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren). Israelis with an insatiable love for American cinema and the drive to create their own version of a mogul-run empire, Golan/Globus cranked out some of my very favorite films to ever grace the silver screen. Rarely even approaching conventional “quality” or “acclaim,” these were films that celebrated machismo, approximated the American aesthetic at the time, and capitalized on even the mildest of pop culture phenomenon that could be exploited for a buck. I’ve often puzzled over why these “wheeling and dealing” films that are unquestionably more of a product than an art hold so much sway over me, and that question won’t be answered here today. But I love Cannon Films; and a product like Cyborg, from this studio and era, with a star like Van Damme and a director like Albert Pyun, is exactly my jam. Even if there’s no question that this film isn’t particularly good.
A dark and brutal post-apocalyptic film, Cyborg is more nihilistic than the typical Van Damme property. It came at a time that was just early enough in his career that he was still desperate for stardom but hadn’t quite developed his brand. The more one becomes acquainted with the troubled post-production of this film, the more one comes to understand just how central Van Damme’s stardom was to the final product. The Cyborg released in theaters and here on this new Blu-ray is a final cut that was controlled by Van Damme himself after poor test screenings gave Cannon cold feet and the film was removed from Director Albert Pyun’s hands.
Van Damme plays Gibson, a “Slinger” who is paid to transport people safely across a New York City that is dominated by the barbaric followers of Fender (Vincent Klyn in the film’s most iconic role). Gibson is haunted by memories of a tranquil life he once lived with an adopted family who were cut down by Fender. When a cyborg (Dayle Haddon) conscripts his services to transport her to Atlanta and bring the secrets of the cure for a plague to the last remaining scientists, Gibson ends up on a collision course with Fender’s gang.
To be honest, that’s almost the entirety of the plot. The bulk of the runtime of Cyborg involves extended chase and action sequences that showcase Van Damme’s onscreen charisma. The final battle between Gibson and Fender (intentionally named after guitars by Pyun under the pen name Kitty Chalmers) is little more than primal grunting and screaming between these two hunks of man flesh. Pyun clearly pays homage to westerns and George Miller-esque destruction. But where Sergio Leone focused in on squinted eyes and twitchy trigger fingers, Pyun highlights pectorals shivering under rain machines. I’m not complaining.
For all the big set up, and the ruined futureworld, and the myriad flashbacks (some of which play in full multiple times within the same 86 minute film), and the misnomer of a title (the titular character is little more than an aside), Cyborg is ultimately an action movie. Fender’s gang is bad, Gibson is good, and they’ll have a series of battles that all come down to rain-drenched fisticuffs. There is a totally excellent crucifixion sequence in there too. Perhaps the setting and themes create a darker tone than your average fight film, but most of the ideas intended are sidelined by the focus on action set pieces.
Again, it’s a weird thing with movies like this: Cyborg is from the right era, and from the right people, and therefore I’ll be forever more fascinated by it than by dozens of actual great films that are likely far more worthy of the time investment that I’ve sunk into Cyborg. Pyun has made available a sort of “renegade” cut of the film called Slinger which he sold on his website at some point in the past and has occasionally screened for audiences. This Scream Factory release does not include that cut, which is a bummer, but was probably an impossibility from a licensing perspective. Yet even after taking in that cut, and all the myriad bonus features that are brand new and available on this excellent Blu-ray release, it becomes clear that Cyborg is a deeply flawed film with a few indelible images and performances regardless of which cut you prefer.
Importantly, though, for the second time in as many months, I find myself reviewing a prime-era Jean-Claude Van Damme Blu-ray release loaded with bonus features. It’s a great time to be an action film and physical media fan. Where MVD’s recent Black Eagle Blu-ray was a ton of fun, even if a stretch for the very small company (and a fairly boring film in the scheme of things), Cyborg is packed to the gills with bonus features from stalwart Red Shirt Productions. It’s a release that honors the Cannon era, treats Pyun like the auteur that he is, and recognizes the brilliance of beefcake-ism. I couldn’t be happier about the care and effort going into releases of classic action cinema. Bring on MVD’s Collector’s Edition of Lionheart, I say.
The Package
As mentioned in the body of the review, there’s no “Slinger Renegade Cut” here. It’s hard to call this a “definitive” version without that, but barring that omission the bonus features here are about as good as they come. Red Shirt Productions do a fantastic job with tracking down talent from bygone films and getting their current memories and reflections on film. I’ve always been enamored by Vincent Klyn’s Fender villain and it’s amazing to see him as an older guy and learn that his career was in surfing. Pyun is also all over this thing. He’s got a commentary, you get his unedited interviews from Mark Hartley’s Cannon Doc Electric Boogaloo, and a new interview with him as well. It’s got a “director approved” kind of vibe to it, and he isn’t shy about his opinions on the final film.
Cyborg itself also looks pretty fantastic on this disc, with a new 2K scan and all. Despite Cyborg being a pretty run of the mill film, Scream Factory’s Blu-ray Collector’s Edition comes with a strong recommendation for fans of Van Damme, Pyun, Cannon Films, or any variation on the three.
And I’m Out.
Cyborg Collector’s Edition hits Blu-ray from Scream Factory April 24th, 2018
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Two Cents Gets Bit by a BIG ASS SPIDER!
Two Cents is an original column akin to a book club for films. The Cinapse team will program films and contribute our best, most insightful, or most creative thoughts on each film using a maximum of 200 words each. Guest writers and fan comments are encouraged, as are suggestions for future entries to the column. Join us as we share our two cents on films we love, films we are curious about, and films we believe merit some discussion.
The Pick
Rampage sure looks like it is combining two great flavors that will taste great together. We suppose that in this example, Dwayne Johnson is the chocolate and the giant mutant animals smashing everything are the peanut butter, combining into a destruction porn Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup. Or something. Look, we don’t judge your metaphors.
To help us get psyched for that colorful kaiju monster mayhem, we decided to check out the cheerily trashy Big Ass Spider! directed by Two Cents alum Mike Mendez (Tales of Halloween), 2013’s winking homage to the B-through-Z grade ‘giant mutant animals smash everything’ movies of yesteryear, so exhaustively mocked on Mystery Science Theater 3000.
Big Ass centers around down-on-his-luck exterminator Alex Mathis (Greg Grunberg) who bumbles into the middle of what turns out to be a government clean-up of a disastrous accident that resulted in the creation of a, you know, big ass spider.
The arachnid rapidly grows from little nuisance to car-smashing, building-crushing nightmare, and it’s up to Alex, his new buddy Jose (Lombardo Boyar), new crush Lieutenant Karly Brant (Clare Kramer), and military leader Major Braxton Tanner (Ray Wise) to take the big bug down before it starts breeding.
So, was Big Ass Spider! the kind of lighthearted good time its title promises, or do we need to break out the flyswatter?
Next Week’s Pick:
It’s been eight years since we’ve been treated to the profane mayhem of the Broken Lizard boys, but next week the band gets back together for the long-promised Super Troopers 2.
We’re priming the pump for that 4/20 extravaganza with Beerfest, available to stream on Netflix Instant, a movie that somehow involves everyone from Donald Sutherland, Mo’Nique, the captain from Das Boot, Will Forte, and one of the more out-of-nowhere An American Werewolf in London homages you are likely to find in a comedy film.
Would you like to be a guest in next week’s Two Cents column? Simply watch and send your under-200-word review to twocents(at)cinapse.co anytime before midnight on Thursday!
Our Guests
JennaZine:
Big Ass Spider! is Arachnophobia on steroids — a surprisingly engaging film that will have you looking over your shoulder as you laugh your face off. Set in Los Angeles, a sunny day devolves into terror when a goofy exterminator gets caught in a government cover-up that involves — you guessed it — one gargantuan arachnid that’s set to take over the city. He teams up with a salty security guard to help rescue downtown L.A., with bonus points if he can keep his reluctant crush alive. Will Alex save the day, or will it spin (pun intended!) out of control?
The movie doesn’t miss a beat — it’s the perfect blend of faux gravitas, cheesy effects, and an all-in cast that delights. The secret weapon is the chemistry between protagonist Alex and his newly befriended sidekick, Jose (Where has Lombardo Boyar been all my life? He needs to be in everything!). The two make believable instant besties. The plot hits all the high notes — heck, they even managed to fit in a bikini scene. Its cult status is well-deserved; add it to your must-watch list, asap! (@JennaZine1)
Big Ass Spider! wishes it were a late 70s/early 80s Roger Corman production. In structure and story it owes a lot to the original Piranha. Unfortunately, that comparison isn’t an entirely favorable one. Much of the charm of those older Corman productions is that although they are campy and tongue-in-cheek, they were almost always played straight. Big Ass Spider!, however, is much more in the mold of The Asylum and Syfy Original Movies, in which it feels like many of the characters (in particular the lead, played by Greg Grunberg) are very much in on the joke and winking at the camera. Thus the balance of horror to comedy gets skewed all the way toward comedy at the expense of anything resembling suspense. There are plenty of scenes featuring giant spider mayhem, but the stakes never feel particularly high because the tone belies any real sense of danger for the main characters. Back in the days of Heroes I found Greg Grunberg to be an effective, even charming actor; his character in Big Ass Spider! however exchanges charm for smarm. His performance is neither as funny enough nor sincere enough to pull me in, and by the end of the movie is suddenly and inexplicably hyper-competent merely because the plot suddenly demands it. Ray Wise is fine as the hardass general overseeing the operation — but what the hell is Ray Wise doing in this movie? Ultimately the problem with Big Ass Spider! is that it’s neither good enough nor bad enough to be entertaining, the result is an utterly forgettable movie that exists purely to fill time. If you’re planning an all-day/all-night spider movie marathon, Big Ass Spider! is the movie you schedule so everyone can take a quick nap. (@T_Lawson)
Brendan Agnew (The Norman Nerd):
Big Ass Spider! has precisely two things going for it: a lean 80 minute runtime to spread a handful of monster set pieces over, and character actor delight Ray Wise — and it somehow manages to waste both of these almost entirely.
There are worse pitches than “a schlubby exterminator gets caught up in a kaiju spider scenario,” but B.A.S. deftly combines a surprisingly large dose of the backwards sensibility of genre movies of yore (the gender as racial stereotypes feel about 20 years older than the movie actually is) with none of the genuine enthusiasm or effort that made earlier B monster junk so enjoyable. It’s got a wholly unearned glib streak to go with a somewhat jarring mean streak, and no one involved seems interested in anchoring this in anything beyond “haha, our movie has ‘BIG ASS’ in the title!”
There are a handful of times when the movie threatens to actually BE fun instead of just poke fun, but there’s not enough skill behind the camera or earnestness in front of it to come close to even the Eight Legged Freaks of the world. Which is a bummer. This is exactly the kinda movie I would have a blast with, if it weren’t so smug about its own lack of ambition.(@BLCAgnew)
The Team
I believe it was the great philosopher Elbert Hubbard who said, “Don’t take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive!”
Big Ass Spider follows this mantra. It’s cheesy. It knows it’s cheesy. It doesn’t care. It is having a blast and it invites you along for the ride.
I, for one, accepted the invitation. I’m happy I did because I watched it a day ago and it’s still making me smile. What a great ride this film is! (@ThePaintedMan)
It fucking sucks, and the fact that everyone in the movie, and indeed, the movie itself, all seem to know that it fucking sucks, does nothing to mitigate said sucking. I settled in for Big Ass Spider! expecting/hoping to see a cheery and playful riff on this particular subgenre. Something in the Eight Legged Freaks/Mars Attacks! ballpark. That’s it. That’s the bar they needed to clear. It’s about as low as you can conceivably set a bar. And they still failed to clear it.
Besides the truly appalling racist and sexist material (all of which wold have felt bizarrely out of place in a film 20 years older than this one) there’s just the simple fact that this movie is no fun. Because it is constantly winking and mugging over how stupid this all is, it’s impossible to either laugh alongside it or to get genuinely caught up in anything going on. It’s like a comedian who will not stop laughing at their own joke, and when you finally figure out just what exactly they were saying, it turns out the joke wasn’t even all that funny to begin with.
Ray Wise, bless him, seems to be giving it the old college try, but everything around Wise sucks so much that you just end feeling bad for poor ol’ Mr. Palmer. He deserves better. Everything else is shoddy and lazy, with the exception of a couple kill scenes that are so pornographically detailed that they stop the movie dead in its tracks.
In conclusion: Ugh. (@theTrueBrendanF)
This turned out to be a really divisive movie, and I definitely come down on the “pro” side, even if it’s not something I’m likely to watch again. Big Ass Spider! is a comedy first, and pretty successful one at that. It’s cheesy, but in a fun way that’s all about having a blast. The production looks cheap — especially the plentiful CGI bugs — but a pretty funny script keeps things fun. My take is very close to Jenna’s — sidekick Jose is the movie’ secret weapon and his dialogue and camaraderie add the right balance to what could have been just another Syfy/Asylumesque cheapie. And you know that elevator scene that was the only good part of the 2014 Ninja Turtles movie? Now I know where they cribbed it from. (@VforVashaw)
Watch it on Amazon Prime:
Next week’s pick:
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BASKET CASE Blu-ray Screen Comparisons — Arrow Video vs 2011 SWV Release
This article contains several comparisons which contrast the older Something Weird Video Blu-ray transfer with the new Arrow Video restoration. The frames aren’t necessarily exact matches, but should give a solid indication of the visual differences.
Frank Henenlotter’s grimy NYC exploitation horror debut was recently treated to a new Limited Edition release from Arrow Video, sporting a new 4K restoration from the original 16mm negative by MoMA.
The film was previously released on Blu-ray by Something Weird Video in a pretty well-regarded edition that wasn’t begging for an upgrade, so it’s interesting to see what Arrow and MoMA bring to the table.
Comparing the picture quality of the two releases, Arrow’s is a bit clearer and sports finer, less noisy grain, though on the flipside Henenlotter had intentionally made no attempt to clean up the prior version. Additionally, the image generally sports a slightly less reddish tone now – possibly the result of color correction. Being 16mm sourced, the 4K restoration may not offer a whole lot more fidelity than 2K or 1080p, but is nonetheless greatly appreciated.
Perhaps the best aspect of this new transfer is the least obvious — it’s a little wider, showing more of the frame horizontally.
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc 
Top: Old SWV Disc // Bottom: New Arrow Disc
Additional features of Arrow’s Limited Edition release:
- Brand new 4K restoration from the original 16mm negative by MoMA
- High Definition Blu-ray (1080p) presentation
- Original Uncompressed Mono Audio
- Optional English subtitles for the deaf and hard of hearing
- Brand new audio commentary with writer/director Frank Henenlotter and star Kevin Van Hentenryck
- Basket Case 3–1/2: An Interview with Duane Bradley — Frank Henenlotter revisits Duane Bradley decades after the events of the original Basket Case
- Seeing Double: The Basket Case Twins — a brand new interview with Florence and Maryellen Schultz, the twin nurses from Basket Case
- Brand new making-of featurette containing new interviews with producer Edgar Ievins, casting person/actress Ilze Balodis, associate producer/effects artist Ugis Nigals and Belial performer Kika Nigals
- Blood, BASKET and Beyond — a brand new interview with actress Beverly Bonner
- Belial Goes to the Drive-In — a brand new interview with film critic Joe Bob Briggs
- Outtakes Featurette
- In Search of the Hotel Broslin — archive location featurette
- Slash of the Knife (1972) — short film by Frank Henenlotter
- Belial’s Dream (2017, 5 mins) — brand new Basket Case-inspired animated short by filmmaker Robert Morgan
- Behind-the-scenes of Belial’s Dream
- Trailers, TV Spots and Radio Spots
- Extensive Still Galleries
- Reversible sleeve featuring original and newly commissioned artwork by Sara Deck
- FIRST PRESSING ONLY: Collector’s booklet with new writing on the film by Michael Gingold
Get it at Amazon:
Except where noted, all 16:9 screen images in this review are direct captures from the disc(s) in question with no editing applied, but may have slight compression inherent to file formats.
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YOU WERE NEVER REALLY HERE: Lynne Ramsay’s Violent Ode To Brokenness
The Fellowship Of Shared Trauma
When the world is sick
Can’t no one be well
But I dreamt we
Was all beautiful and strong
Before an image has even graced the screen, Lynne Ramsay’s masterful You Were Never Really Here has set an atonal and brutal mood. Brakes squeal, objects bluntly clash into one another… and that’s just the audio. We’re soon thrown into the fractured reality of Joaquin Phoenix’s Joe, a haunted veteran well-acquainted with violence who makes his living pulling young girls out of sex slavery for paying clients.
Uninterested in action or entertaining set pieces, Ramsay is rather painting a portrait of rampant brokenness that is unflinching and confidently stylish. Every tool in the arsenal of a filmmaker is utilized by Ramsay and her team to craft a profound sensory experience that absolutely benefits from the theatrical experience. The aforementioned sound design is bold, editing and camera work are all fully employed to pull us deeper into Joe’s off-kilter reality. Jonny Greenwood’s score is as pure and jumbled as Joe’s own mind. Joaquin Phoenix embodies his character with the ferocity and commitment we’ve come to appreciate from one of this generation’s finest actors. Ramsay’s screenplay, based on the book by Jonathan Ames, ratchets up the tension and draws us into Joe’s world with flawless pacing and intention. This is an uncompromised work of a filmmaker who absolutely cannot be ignored.
$16.99 Joe’s line of work is quite specific. He’s not a hitman, per se, and we’re never given much of an idea of exactly how he got involved with this. But he gets girls and young women out of sex slavery… generally wielding a hammer in the process. He’s a killer, his trade illegal… and yet the freeing of young women from slavery is about the most inarguably noble quest available to modern man. It seems almost inevitable that a suicidal, PTSD-riddled, trained killer with some kind of deeply buried innate goodness within himself would gravitate to a job like this. But You Were Never Really Here doesn’t stop with Joe in its exploration of fallen and fractured souls. Ramsay’s entire story shows us an utterly broken world where domestic life and government are all hollowed out institutions. Joe’s violent rescues, and his tender-if-addled care for his own aging mother, are the only morally clear actions in this PTSD-soaked reality.
To be clear, it seems You Were Never Really Here is indeed a redemptive tale, albeit an exceedingly dark one. The title is no mere abstraction. Through editing and character interaction, Joe’s physical reality and existence seem in question throughout. One minute he’s drinking water at the water fountain, the next he’s gone, the water continuing to pour. It’s as though through the title and style of the film, we’re forced to reckon with the value of a human life and whether one can truly come and go from this mortal coil without ever having truly existed in the first place. We see in violent images that Joe’s childhood was filled with abuse. We see inside Joe’s mind that he’s seen unspeakable violence in warfare. He’s more or less a ghost traipsing through a world that’s as shattered as he is. But there are those young lives in question. Young lives that he’s freeing forever from the bonds of slavery, even if they’ll carry those wounds forever… just like Joe does. And yet nothing can alter the reality that Joe has come in and rescued their physical bodies from the fate they were resigned to.
Then, somehow, things get worse. Joe is double crossed, bodies pile up, and one little girl is caught up in the middle. Joe will save that girl if it’s the last thing he does. It’s unclear if Joe’s motivations are righteous, or filled with vengeance, or if he simply needs to rescue her in order to feel any last vestige of connection to the human race. His desperate search to rescue this girl doesn’t play like a dramatic Hollywood blockbuster; we experience it all through Joe’s extremely limited perspective. It’s tense and violent without ever veering into “entertainment”.
And then we’re in a diner. Joe and the young girl are the only two still breathing. They’re drinking milkshakes. They’ve found a kinship in their shared trauma. And we’re left to wonder: Is the fellowship of shared trauma perhaps enough of a foundation on which to build something new?
And I’m Out.
