Of all the films hitting the genre festival circuit this year, Chelsea Stardust’s Satanic Panic was easily one of my most anticipated. Produced by Fangoria, who’s been on a roll lately, the film was written by novelist Grady Hendrix and stars Rebecca Romijn as Danica Ross, the head of a Satanic cult, with Happy Death Day’s Ruby Modine as her daughter Judi and newcomer Hayley Griffith as Sam Craft, the super wholesome pizza delivery girl. The film, which screens this Sunday, July 21 at Fantasia Fest, is kind of a throwback, at least in spirit. It takes place in the present day, but taps into the old school horror comedy vibe that looks to answer the question of what happened to all those crazy Satanic cults from the ‘80s.
Satanic Panic is the story of Sam (Griffith), who on her first day pizza delivering pizzas decides to take five pies to the uppity neighborhood of Mill Basin hoping to score a big tip, which is the reason she took the job in the first place. Problem is, when her Vespa won’t start she decides to confront the cheapskate who decided not to tip and accidentally ends up walking right into the middle of a meeting of a coven of Satanists who currently are experiencing a dilemma. See, tonight is the night they are supposed to summon Baphomet, and they just lost their virgin sacrifice — and by lost I mean supposedly killed, because she had sex. When the leader of the coven (Romijn) asks Sam if she’s a virgin and she sheepishly replies, “that’s a really personal question,” the hunt is on as Sam flees the house running for her life, giving the Satanists till dawn to find her and finish the sacred rite.
One thing the film is quick to point out is there are two flavors of Satanists in this world: the ones who are basically vegan atheists and the ones here, who dress up in cloaks, sacrifice humans, and actually have badass powers. This film is about the latter, and they feel like a sort of amalgam from every ‘80s movie ever. But, like the upper-class suburban neighborhoods they inhabit, you have the women leading the pack here, which I though was a great touch. Think of it as kind of a Satanic Big Little Lies. It follows Sam’s journey through the night as it takes some unexpected turns which show Hendrix and Stardust are definitely playing with your preconceptions of expectations of the genre. The script is surprisingly clever in how it deals with its characters, who feel a bit more fleshed out than you traditionally get in a film like this, and the film does a great job at paying off the setups that happen early on in the film.
Given Fangoria is producing you definitely get the gore you’d expect, served up with a ghoulishly clever sense of humor. Rebecca Romijn is just brilliant here and really makes me wonder why we don’t see more of her these days. I loved the dynamic between her and Sam and the rest of her coven; it’s a very played out archetype, “the sexy priestess,” that actually felt very believable and a bit less slutty here. Same with our final girl-esque protagonist Hayley Griffith, who also does a few interesting things other than wearing clothes that actually appear to fit her comfortably enough to do her job as a delivery person. She does the innocent-but-not-too-naïve thing really well; but when she is tasked with defending herself, she feels very convincing that she is literally fighting for her life.
Satanic Panic was a rock-solid horror banger. It’s gory, it’s hilarious, and it makes you genuinely care about the characters on screen, the good and the bad. It’s not an easy nut to crack with these kinds of comedies, and the film manages to even end in a way that still keeps you guessing till the final moments. Needless to say, from here on out if I see Chelsea Stardust’s or Grady Hendrix’s name on a project, I am in, no questions asked. So definitely check this one out if it screens at a festival near you this year, because this is the kind of film that will play better with a late night crowd.
