From the moment that the first Fifty Shades book was adapted to the screen and became the inevitable hit everyone knew it would be, fans instantly started announcing their dream casting for characters in the follow-up film, Fifty Shades Darker. One of those characters was Elena Lincoln, the older woman responsible for schooling main character Christian Grey in the many ways of dark lovemaking. Michelle Pfeiffer’s name was brought up numerous times by fans and, according to The Hollywood Reporter, was actually offered the role in the high-profile film. But Pfeiffer passed and Kim Basinger took the part. Almost a few minutes into Fifty Shades Darker, these events have proven to be simultaneously the best professional decision Pfeiffer ever made, and one of the most regrettable of Basinger’s career.
Even if you haven’t seen the first film or read the original book series, it doesn’t take long to figure out the threadbare plot. S&M loving billionaire Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) finds himself trying to win back the semi-angelic Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) after the former’s lifestyle proved to be too intense for her. But Anastasia finds herself still in love and is willing to have a genuine go at a traditional relationship with Christian. It isn’t long however before dark figures from the past try to break the couple up.
If there were two descriptors used to describe Fifty Shades Darker, they would be “mind-numbingly dull” and “side-splittingly funny”. Never has sex seemed so boring to watch. I can appreciate that such scenes in this particular film are essential and that there are limited creative juices left for such elements after the first installment, but it seems like no matter what this couple does, be it argue or celebrate, everything leads up back to one unattractive and passionless sex montage after another. Heaven help this couple should Christian ever lose his mojo. It doesn’t matter though, as Christian and Anastasia represent one of the most unappealing couples in cinema history. For my entire time watching, I couldn’t decipher what it was about these two personalities that was keeping them drawn to one another since both seem to be vitally lacking. Thankfully unintentional hilarity ensues, saving the audience from feeling as bored as the main characters look. With moments such as Christian surviving a helicopter crash unscathed and entering the room seconds after a news channel has declared him alive and safe, and a gag with anal beads coming across as more hilarious than scandalous, Fifty Shades Darker is never short of laughs.
While the film’s sleek look, attractive costumes and stunning set design mean that Fifty Shades Darker is always gorgeous to look at, it doesn’t come close to remedying the numerous problems that exist everywhere else. The biggest of these is a severe lack of focus in a story that pulls the audience in so many different directions, with only sex montages holding the jagged pieces together. The whole affair wouldn’t have been so bad had the filmmakers knew how to handle the plot’s conflicts. Sadly, they don’t. The film boasts three villains in Elena, Anastasia’s lecherous boss Jack Hyde (Eric Johnson) and one of Christian’s deranged former submissives (Bella Heathcote), but gives them nothing remotely interesting to do other than recite some ham-fisted dialogue before ushering them off. By the close of the third act, Fifty Shades Darker has descended into Dynasty levels with drink-throwing, face-slapping and a total soap-opera cliffhanger taking place.
Everyone on screen does what they can with the idiotic script, with some actually coming away unscathed, like Marcia Gay-Harden and Rita Ora as Christian’s mother and sister, respectively. The same can certainly not be said for the embarrassingly miscast Basinger, who can already claim the title of the year’s most non-threatening and lackluster movie villain. At least she comes away slightly better than the two leads. Johnson and Dornan are both capable actors in their own right. Dornan scores with his role in the acclaimed series The Fall while Johnson was magnetic in this past summer’s hypnotic indie A Bigger Splash. However Christian and Anastasia are such badly-drawn, uninteresting characters, that it genuinely makes the two come off as if they’ve never set foot in front of a movie camera in their lives.
At the risk of making Fifty Shades Darker sound like an entirely dire affair, I should cite the one moment in the film which brought me some actual joy. There’s a scene about mid-way through when Anastasia gets a job promotion which comes with her own assistant. Sensing that the assistant is unsure of how to address her new boss, Johnson launches into the last scene from Working Girl, one of her mother, Melanie Griffith’s, most famous films. It’s a tip of the hat that proves endearing and actually works. After that scene, part of me began to loosen up a bit and I began to genuinely wish that the couple in question would live happily ever after. Unfortunately, knowing there is a third chapter to their story means there’s also another movie on the horizon…and it’s probably just as bad as this one.
