GAME OF THRONES Preview: Boobs are Coming

It’s that time of year, when fanboys and fangirls gather around the TV for the start of the cultural phenomenon known as boobs Game of Thrones. For anyone who has been off-planet or dead, Game of Thrones is based on the popular A Song of Ice and Fire fantasy series of books by George R.R. Martin. In case you’ve forgotten where things stand (and don’t have the energy to go back and read my recaps of the penultimate and final episodes of Season 3), here’s a very brief [And appropriately SPOILER-FILLED] summary:

Red Wedding: Death toll = everyone. Well, not really, but the deceased include King (of the North) Robb, Queen Talisa, Catelyn Stark, most of the Stark army, and a small group of Freys skillfully dispatched by Arya and the Hound, who — luckily for them — were late to the party and managed to escape. Edmure Tully was off obliviously boning his new Frey wife while has family was being slaughtered.

King’s Landing: Sansa is married to Tyrion, and they’re both trying to make the best of a bad situation (which also includes Shae the Happy Hooker). Joffrey (now engaged to Margaery Tyrell) isn’t helping, gleefully announcing Robb’s death. Meanwhile, Brienne and Jamie have finally made it back to the city, minus a hand.

The Wall: Bran and the Reeds are chilling at the Nightfort, an abandoned keep just south of the wall, and are joined by our favorite porkpie, Sam, with Gilly and the baby. They’ve found a hidden tunnel under the wall, which Bran & Co. will use to seek their destiny in the wild northlands. Sam & Co. then head back to Castle Black, and convince Maester Aemon to send birds to the various kings asking for help against the Others. Despite a parting gift of arrow-in-the-leg from Ygritte, Jon Snow (who, as you will recall, knows nothing) also makes it back to the castle.

Theon: As much as you hate Theon Greyjoy, does he deserve the Bolton bastard Ramsay Snow, who cut off his Johnson (as the nihilists say)? His sister Yara has mustered up a shred of sisterly affection, and intends to rescue him.

Dragonstone: Davos Seaworth helped Baratheon-bastard-Gendry escape death by Melisandre’s fire, and convinced King-wannabe Stannis that his duty is to help the men on the Wall as they face the threat from north of the Wall.

Yunkai: Off in the east, Daenerys has defeated Yunkai and freed their slaves, who adore her as their savior. Where will she and her dragons and her ginormous army head next?

Game of Thrones Season 4 premieres this Sunday, April 6, at 8 pm Central on HBO, but now the season/book correlation ends: Season 3 only got partway through Book 3 (A Storm of Swords), so presumably Season 4 will finish off Book 3.

I hope you’ll stick with me this season for weekly recaps as we count the mounting death toll, institute Boob-Watch 2014, cross our fingers that some guy other than Joffrey loses his clothes, debate the merits of books vs. the show, and generally revel in fantasy geekdom. Valar morghulis!

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