“When You Can’t Breathe, You Can’t Scream!”
Man, remember when killer animal movies came back big for a minute there in the ‘90s? It felt like every summer there was some sort of creepy crawler or monstrous beast chomping its way through some group of hapless victims. Movies like Deep Blue Sea and Lake Placid made us afraid to go in the water again, and Arachnophobia & Ticks (with a special personal shout-out to Mosquito!) made us stock up on bug spray.
But, only one very, very special film made us real cautious about helping shipwrecked snake hunters out of a bind when taking our house boats through the Amazon, and that’s Anaconda, baby! One of the ultimate cult classics of the ‘90s, Anaconda is an absolute ride through one of the goofiest killer snake movies you’ll ever see, while also having one of the most intensely 1990s cast put to screen.
Anaconda follows a documentary crew as they brave the Amazon river to find a hidden, secretive tribe. The team is led by documentarian Terri Flores (Jennifer Lopez), her cameraman Danny Rich (Ice Cube), her sound team Gary Dixon (Owen Wilson) and Denise Kalberg (Kari Wuhrer), on-air talent Warren Westridge (Jonathan Hyde), and researcher Dr. Steven Cale (Eric Stoltz). Everything is going to plan until they come across a marooned snake hunter named Paul Serrone (Jon Voight), who quickly leads them astray and into the dangerous waters of the Anaconda’s hunting ground.
I’ll be upfront and admit that Anaconda does start just a little slow. We’re kinda just milling on a houseboat for the first half or so, as a slow moving mutiny starts to shift the team towards danger. But, what that does afford us though, is more time with Jon Voight, who is making some of the most insane character choices ever put to screen. Right off the top; his character is Paraguayan. As in, we are supposed to believe that the 60 year old WASP known as Jon Voight…is Paraguayan. Don’t worry, he won’t let you forget, as he puts on the most insane accent you’ll ever hear; an accent that I spent a good portion of the film thinking was supposed to be Creole, but after the Paraguay reveal, I realized it sounded much more like your buddy drunkenly attempting a Tony Montana impression.
Luckily, he doesn’t just put his weird, slightly racist accent and creepy, long stringy ponytail to no use. Nope, he makes sure to be the creepiest motherfucker ever! Voight, when not talking lovingly about snakes, just perpetually leers at everyone. Doesn’t matter the situation; cutting up a fish, peeping at Jennifer Lopez undressing, watching a man get eaten by a snake. He even leers in his sleep here! A genuinely baffling performance that makes Anaconda an absolute blast of a watch.
But, once we finally get to the big mean rope known as an Anaconda, boy oh boy, does the adventure get dangerous. The deaths here are properly grisly, as people are coiled tightly, the pop of their bones snapping being the last sound they hear before having their necks broken. Anaconda makes sure not to skimp on the brutality, knowing you came to a killer snake movie for a reason, with the last death being a real doozy of “watch what you eat” gore gag. That isn’t to say they can’t be real goofy as well, especially in one waterfall kill that is so absurd in its setup that you can’t help but cheer when you realize what is about to happen.
On the effects; Anaconda was made in a very specific time, when it came to digital effects. An era where both digital and practical came together, but, unless you had a Jurassic Park sized budget, the digital usually came in a bit lackluster. I will say, though, in hindsight, I think that final digital snake actually looks pretty great! It’s got a bit of a “video game cutscene” aesthetic to it, but I actually think it adds to the overall intensity of its size, as it looks almost Lovecraftian as it unfurls from the ceiling, its length seemingly extending into forever, only showing a small section of itself to these mere mortals.
Anaconda made sure that, at the end of the day, they didn’t skimp on the snake (at apparently a rate of $100,000 per SECOND of screen rending).
Specs
Anaconda was shot on location in Brazil, and the new 4K presentation here, restored from the original camera negative, really shows the intense beauty all around. It’s a beautiful presentation of a beautifully shot film of a real mean snake.
For special features, Anaconda includes an interview with director Luis Llosa, an interview with Co-writer Hans Bauer, deleted & extended scenes (for any of my people that remember watching this on SciFi channel back in the day and thinking there are scenes missing, check here!*), and a theatrical trailer.
Look, I’m not going to sit here and try to convince you that Anaconda is some sort of hidden gem, or it’s anything more than what you think it is. But, that’s perfectly fine! Anaconda is goofy, it’s weird, it’s both mean spirited and has Looney Tunes vibes. It’s such a weird cultural artifact that it is getting a meta reboot in 2025!
It has the exact reputation it deserves, which is why you need to gather a group of friends, a couple of 6-packs, pop this disc in, and have a slitherin’ good time!
Now available on 4K.
*Apparently, SciFi channel used to show an extended version of Anaconda, that included additional scenes that I can remember clearly (one with a group of monkeys), but are not in the theatrical release. What a world, huh?
